It’s me, HI.
You know when you are in a mood where everything feels triggering (like literally, everything)?
I am in that mood. Since I’ve been tracking my cycles a little bit more carefully I think I have recognized that not only do I experience PMS, I often get a mini surge of RAGE around ovulation.
It feels so rational in my mind, but I don’t think it’s possible that everyone in my life becomes incredibly annoying and triggering on a monthly basis. So yeah, it’s probably me.
(In menopause all of this just ends, right?! I am seriously ready.)
Things that help:
- Just really focusing / leaning into other things and NOT dwelling on said rage
- Morning pages? Maybe? I guess it’s nice to have a dedicate place to privately rant.
- Tracking these patterns to help me see where the ‘bad’ days are and hopefully recognize that they are temporary and self-limited
Runningsigh (and yes, not having this as an option is one of the targets of my anger/general feelings of resentment). But I guess exercise in general and going outside.
- Perspective perspective perspective. This is challenging but zooming out I KNOW how (*@&# lucky I am in so many ways and it can help to keep this in mind.
- Playing sad or mad music and just wallowing in it a little bit
I know early HRT is all the rage these days and maybe I should look into that, but I really hadn’t planned on it. (And also, all the “perimenopause” symptom lists, the only ones I really have are all mood related, and they aren’t really new, either.)
OKAY! With that off my chest, today I will be off to Miami to get my hair straightened (well, after school drop-off and hopefully fitting a mood-elevating workout).
I will try to view this pilgrimage as a privilege and chance to relax while someone performs a valuable service for me (because both of those things are true!) rather than an annoying costly chore that is preventing me from getting work done (also sort of true, but a less helpful perspective).
27 Comments
This is tough. As I’ve gotten older, I have recognized what I think are more cycle-related mood issues, and I am fortunate to have NEVER had mood-related PMS symptoms in my younger years. I do think it is perimenopause-related — you and I are the same age. And isn’t irritability a hallmark symptom of menopause? Personally I am not having hot flashes or any of the more “traditional” symptoms, but I am definitely feeling changes and will be discussing HRT with my gyn in a few months. If that’s not an option, then I need to look at changing certain systems or habits in my environment to mitigate my (very real) irritability.
One way I have addressed it is by looking with a new perspective at areas of my life that maybe didn’t previously bother me that much (in my case, clutter and the mental load of keeping my house orderly) but that genuinely bother me now. Rather than pressuring myself to just change how I feel because I didn’t previously feel this way, I’m considering what needs to be different in my environment. So maybe in your case, this is an invitation to reevaluate certain systems or dynamics that no longer work.
I love my hairdresser but I hate going, I’m so impatient I’d rather just leave my hair there and come back for it later so I can get on with other things 😂
Re HRT, Mary Claire Haver is a brilliant peri meno and menopause resource, worth a look 😀
Well, I’m here to tell you that menopause is the best thing ever. I know people have different experiences with it, but for me it’s been wonderful. So… hang in there.
I don’t know enough about HRT to speak about it, but I know a lot of people have had great results. How long does this mood last? Is it just a day or two? I hope you feel better SOON.
I hope you have a restorative kind of day with your long straightening hair appt that precludes you from being able to be productive. It is hard to deal with these annoyances without having the outlet of running – or cardio PERIOD – to burn off your frustrations. I would have a very hard time with that, too.
I’m planning to talk about HRT with the new PCP I am seeing in February. I don’t have hot flashes but have other issues like sleep disruptions, irritability (which is tough to separate from prednisone side effects + having young kids, one of which is very “extra”) but I still think I’m more irritable than I should be. I am loving my Mirena IUD, though. I barely get a period anymore so it’s been a great solution to the breakthrough bleeding I was having before. But it sounds like that is not an issue for you so probably not something you necessarily need to pursue, but I wonder if that also evens out moods?
I don’t trust anything my mind tells me in the 2-3 days before my period. Late luteal phase for me is irritable and negative and very much worse than when I’m actually on my period. Tracking cycles has been so helpful to me to realize it and make sure I don’t make any major life choices during that time. And on the other side of the coin, follicular phase makes me think I’m super woman and seriously nothing can get me down and I have all the energy and I have to be careful to not proclaim that I’m going to do ALL THE THINGS because that’s just as dangerous as late luteal, but just in a different way- ha!
I’ve had an initial talk with my new GYN about HRT but haven’t moved forward on any of it (though I do use Progessence Plus oil and swear it helps me during luteal phase with sleep and mood). I have friends that have dipped their toe into HRT though and while it can take a little play to get the right dose for you individually, they’ve had very helpful results.
This is the same as my experience too. The down pre period but then the follicular phase is so good, so much energy!
I get this, too! I read that you get a surge of testosterone around ovulation to motivate you to get out and reproduce I guess. Hormones suck!
I recently started HRT and for some of the reasons you mentioned. I was never a rage/anger/resentment person before and then suddenly I was and I was not a fan. Anyway, that alone probably wouldn’t have made me try it because I hate being ‘on’ anything if I can help it (I had such terrible experiences with hormonal BC), but my insomnia was so bad I decided to give it a try. My moods are definitely better, and I sleep like a reasonable person again. It wasn’t magic, I just feel like I’m back to my normal self. Just something worth considering!
Hahahahha. No. The rage does not get better with age. You may in fact experience more fatigue and sleep issues, and mood changes, except maybe all the time not just a few days per month. Karens are made, not born. On the other had maybe you’ll get lucky. Literally nobody I know says things have gotten easier, though.
Except Jenny!! We need her secrets.
Yes — one of the reasons I am being proactive about the changes I’m noticing is because NO ONE EVER has said perimenopause just magically gets better. I do hear things are better on the other side of menopause, but it’s a long road between here and there and I have no interest in white-knuckling my way through it, irritable and exhausted, if I don’t have to. Sarah, if you’re noticing sleep issues, mood disruption, and so on, you may want to explore how to care for yourself in perimenopause because everything I have read indicates that it only gets worse. (Doesn’t mean HRT is the answer — does mean it might be something to more actively name and manage.)
For those of us who cannot or should not take HRT there’s always self care. I’ve been leaning into moments of personal authenticity, planning positive experience (you would like that one), noticing when good things happen, and keeping my expectations in the cellar. It’s a work in progress.
The only thing about menopause that is better is no more bleeding. Maybe no more migraines if that was hormonally triggered. Mostly you’re just older and everything is worse health-wise. I hope this is helpful.
Ha! I guess what I’ve heard is that the emotional ups and downs that can come with hormonal shifts get better. At least I hope that’s true lol. I need something to cling to! A shred of hope!
i know what you are talking about and HRT really helps me to smooth it out. I’m on third month and will post about it after 3 completed cycle to share the “benefits”.
What about cold shower?
OMG! It only took me 30+ years and finally getting off hormonal birth control to figure out that one day a month it actually is NOT reasonable to quit my job and abandon everyone for a hilltop cabin of solitude. And yet, every month I have to consciously remind myself…
Omg yes exactly that. Wish it were just one day for me !
You too? I thought it was just me. And I haven’t found the hilltop cabin of solitude yet, but Archway iced oatmeal cookies have provided relief for me in the meantime.
I fuckin’ love my HRT and recommend it broadly. Someone will have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands before I ever give it up. Of course, I experienced a long laundry list of perimenopause symptoms, and many of them were severe. It’s hard to pick a worst symptom given the state that I was in, but the mood symptoms were certain in the top 3-5 worst symptoms that I had. My very intense mood swings negatively impacted my relationships with people I cared about and sometimes even lead to issues at work. I’m 100% certain that if I hadn’t started HRT, I would have ended up divorcing my husband, even though no one I know has better husband than my husband. Once I started HRT and my moods were much more regulated, literally all of the friction in our relationship went away. It turns out the problem really wasn’t his disinclination to continue individual therapy, it was my hormones.
I have found menopause to be equally challenging from a psychological standpoint—chronic insomnia leading to depression and body image issues with the physical changes. I tried HRT and swelled up like a balloon so stopped. I know it does wonders for some people but not for everyone.
Same thing happened to me. No one talks about this side effect. My legs swelled to triple the normal size and it hurt to walk up stairs. I’m 53, but not in menopause proper yet, so I use a little HRT to manage the hot flashes, heart palpitations, and random joint pain, but when I start to get the bloating, I need to pause it. I restart when the peri symptoms return. Mood swings were manageable…. I could tell myself the reason I was sad or upset was because of hormones and I didn’t let that bother me.
I read your blog every day, but am not a frequent commenter. I am 51 years old with two children/young adults, ages 19 and 22. I am a working professional (a professor at a four-year private school) and I love every bit of my job and supporting my family. As a 51-year old female, pre-menopause hit me quite hard this last year. My OBGYN recommended HRT, which has helped me so much. I know that every woman’s journey is different, but her suggestion of estrogen and progesterone supplements has been life changing (!!!!). Seriously.
I am in that phase right now where I experiencing fatigue and rage. I’m turning 45 in a few days I don’t know what it is, but I think it is the same thing you experience.
I am on a hormonal IUD, which I find makes my cycle hard to track, but I definitely notice what I assume is a hormone-related mood swing every so often where I am so crabby and irritable. I feel sluggish and have poor digestion and the scale also jumps during this time, which doesn’t help my mood.
My poor husband had a stress dream that I divorced him during the most recent one because I was snapping at him about the silliest things.
Your post made me thinking of the Shrinking Episode: 15 minutes: where Harrison Ford recommends putting on music and screaming for 15 minutes to really let yourself feel your feelings: https://mashable.com/article/shrinking-apple-tv-15-minute-therapy-mental-health-technique. I have not tried it, but it sounds promising….
it does! Kind of a stronger version of what I tend to call wallowing . . .
Luteal phase progesterone has been life changing for me as a mid 40s Mom!! Highly recommend seeing if it could be an option for you. I don’t think mid 40s is “early” for any kind of HRT. I think our bodies let us know when they are asking for support.