It’s me, HI.
You know when you are in a mood where everything feels triggering (like literally, everything)?
I am in that mood. Since I’ve been tracking my cycles a little bit more carefully I think I have recognized that not only do I experience PMS, I often get a mini surge of RAGE around ovulation.
It feels so rational in my mind, but I don’t think it’s possible that everyone in my life becomes incredibly annoying and triggering on a monthly basis. So yeah, it’s probably me.
(In menopause all of this just ends, right?! I am seriously ready.)
Things that help:
- Just really focusing / leaning into other things and NOT dwelling on said rage
- Morning pages? Maybe? I guess it’s nice to have a dedicate place to privately rant.
- Tracking these patterns to help me see where the ‘bad’ days are and hopefully recognize that they are temporary and self-limited
Runningsigh (and yes, not having this as an option is one of the targets of my anger/general feelings of resentment). But I guess exercise in general and going outside.
- Perspective perspective perspective. This is challenging but zooming out I KNOW how (*@&# lucky I am in so many ways and it can help to keep this in mind.
- Playing sad or mad music and just wallowing in it a little bit
I know early HRT is all the rage these days and maybe I should look into that, but I really hadn’t planned on it. (And also, all the “perimenopause” symptom lists, the only ones I really have are all mood related, and they aren’t really new, either.)
OKAY! With that off my chest, today I will be off to Miami to get my hair straightened (well, after school drop-off and hopefully fitting a mood-elevating workout).
I will try to view this pilgrimage as a privilege and chance to relax while someone performs a valuable service for me (because both of those things are true!) rather than an annoying costly chore that is preventing me from getting work done (also sort of true, but a less helpful perspective).
4 Comments
This is tough. As I’ve gotten older, I have recognized what I think are more cycle-related mood issues, and I am fortunate to have NEVER had mood-related PMS symptoms in my younger years. I do think it is perimenopause-related — you and I are the same age. And isn’t irritability a hallmark symptom of menopause? Personally I am not having hot flashes or any of the more “traditional” symptoms, but I am definitely feeling changes and will be discussing HRT with my gyn in a few months. If that’s not an option, then I need to look at changing certain systems or habits in my environment to mitigate my (very real) irritability.
One way I have addressed it is by looking with a new perspective at areas of my life that maybe didn’t previously bother me that much (in my case, clutter and the mental load of keeping my house orderly) but that genuinely bother me now. Rather than pressuring myself to just change how I feel because I didn’t previously feel this way, I’m considering what needs to be different in my environment. So maybe in your case, this is an invitation to reevaluate certain systems or dynamics that no longer work.
I love my hairdresser but I hate going, I’m so impatient I’d rather just leave my hair there and come back for it later so I can get on with other things 😂
Re HRT, Mary Claire Haver is a brilliant peri meno and menopause resource, worth a look 😀
Well, I’m here to tell you that menopause is the best thing ever. I know people have different experiences with it, but for me it’s been wonderful. So… hang in there.
I don’t know enough about HRT to speak about it, but I know a lot of people have had great results. How long does this mood last? Is it just a day or two? I hope you feel better SOON.
I hope you have a restorative kind of day with your long straightening hair appt that precludes you from being able to be productive. It is hard to deal with these annoyances without having the outlet of running – or cardio PERIOD – to burn off your frustrations. I would have a very hard time with that, too.
I’m planning to talk about HRT with the new PCP I am seeing in February. I don’t have hot flashes but have other issues like sleep disruptions, irritability (which is tough to separate from prednisone side effects + having young kids, one of which is very “extra”) but I still think I’m more irritable than I should be. I am loving my Mirena IUD, though. I barely get a period anymore so it’s been a great solution to the breakthrough bleeding I was having before. But it sounds like that is not an issue for you so probably not something you necessarily need to pursue, but I wonder if that also evens out moods?