MUSIC
I already raved about Ella Langley, but I’m going to do it again for good measure. Her album Dandelion is just so so good, and her voice is gorgeous. I was listening to it on repeat and, AND THEN:
. . . my a capella friend directed me to Lily Allen’s wild West End Girl, which chronicles in vivid detail the dissolution of her marriage to actor David Harbour. If you haven’t listened to Lily Allen since the 2010s (I loved her then, but admittedly kind of forgot about her) — well, prepare to be amazed. It’s raw and it’s storytelling and it’s catchy and also brutally sad.
BOOKS
After kind of a meh reading month in March, April has been quite strong! Initially recommended by Caroline (Birchie!), Sky Daddy was absolutely a hit for me. It was also one of those books I enjoyed while reading, but liked EVEN MORE in the aftermath.
(Annie Bot, possibly my favorite read of 2025, was like this for me too!)
TRIGGER WARNINGS: Unusual sex stuff galore! Plus echoes of childhood trauma + mental health struggles. But I actually did not find it to be triggering with respect to flying — I actually finished it on the plane (!).
ALSO, I’m only 8 pages into Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke, which I immediately ordered because Sarah texted me and told me to “stop everything and read it right now”. YES MA’AM, I’m going to listen to a directive like that. And so far it seems like it will be my jam, though of course will let you know later.
MOVIES
Who are we kidding? I haven’t seen any. But maybe when I fly to SF in a couple of weeks I will watch one on the plane. (I tried to watch The Housemaid on my trip back from Albany but I didn’t have headphones and really didn’t want to just read the closed captioning — I feel like music/sound is so important in movies!).
PODCAST EPS:
(I’ve started starring them the episodes I want to recommend in my planner!)
Girl Next Door did a great ep on marriage tending
Happier Ladies did a Festival of Analog!!
NPR Music’s Songs for a Reset
EmPowered Radio’s Backstory
DISCIPLINE
On another note, I was reflecting on the topic of discipline after listening to Cal’s latest ep with Brad Stolberg (I haven’t read any of this guest’s books, but they do sound interesting).
Brad shares his story of switching from running to weight training but the common thread being that having a hobby where he is in pursuit of excellence has been key to unlocking discipline in the rest of his life. (Or maybe it’s more Cal that took things in this direction).
I obviously related to his “I USED TO RUN KIND OF OBSESSIVELY AND THEN I STOPPED” journey, though his transition was a bit less dramatic than mine. But unlike Brad I do not have a current pursuit of excellence, really. But I’m less convinced than he is that I need one! I feel like I have a ton of different areas of life where I am doing stuff, and maybe that’s . . . fine!?
Then again, I do understand how it is fun to feel like you are improving at something. Maybe things like Pilates and weight training and piano do scratch that itch without reaching the fever pitch of marathon training (or the way I approached marathon training, anyway)?
I think I am — overall — a very disciplined person in most respects. There are definitely some projects/habits I still find challenging, but on a day-to-day level I generally do the things I care about and set out to do. I’m not sure I would have answered this similarly in other years, but I feel like . . . I have enough discipline these days. Would having more of a “pursuit of excellence” hobby help me unlock the next level of focus or just take up more hours in the week? I’m not so sure, but it’s an interesting thing to think about!
17 Comments
Thank you for the Dandelion rec—loved it! Have you listened to Raye’s album? It’s fantastic.
no!! But someone had mentioned Raye – adding to queue!!! I’m so glad you liked Dandelion!!
SKY DADDY!!!!! I read most of it on my flight home from SFO last year. It’s a great plane book. I love it when the ending isn’t spelled out in black and white so that the reader has to “write” their own ending. I have Yesteryear on hold in Libby and can’t wait for it to come in.
I think that having a pursuit of excellence/obsession focus in life is a sometimes thing and not a constant thing. Some days there just isn’t a mountain to climb or a dragon to slay, and that’s fine. But when the pursuit comes, then it’s amazing to be able to go after it.
I realized I forgot to link your blog (so fixed it) YES, some ambiguity is good. And the character development was just so great. I REALLY LIKE VERY UNUSUAL CHARACTERS that turn out to be likable and felt that Linda just nailed it for me. PLUS, the whole vision board thing was just . . . perfect.
I don’t listen to Cal’s podcast so haven’t heard this interview yet, but my gut reaction is that pursuing excellence can look different for everyone and changes throughout lives based on what we have going on at work/home/etc. I do not feel like I can ‘pursue excellence’ in multiple spheres of my life. I am just too damn tired to be honest! I am leaning in at work at this point with my travel and such so that gives me less bandwidth to pursue excellence in other hobbies. I am prioritizing exercise more than I have since having kids but I don’t have a big shiny goal like a marathon that I am working towards. Instead I am trying to fit as many OTF classes into a week as I can, which is 3-5 classes. I’m kind of naturally driven/disciplined person so I don’t really need a big goal to work towards at this point of my life outside of work. I feel like so many of my hours are spoken for between work, kids, kid activities, OTF classes, etc that I feel very fulfilled and maybe over fulfilled at times (especially during a week like this where I am traveling and feel so discombobulated).
Interesting thoughts — I find that I like having a hobby that allows me to pursue excellence in a kind of low-stakes way. Knitting has been like that for me (learning new techniques, trying challenging patterns), and I like to approach fitness that way too. I don’t really find that I do that as a means to strengthen discipline in the rest of my life, though I think it has for sure impacted my overall levels of self-discipline. It’s more that that’s a byproduct, not the end goal. I’m not trying to increase my deadlift 1RM *because* it’s making me a more disciplined person; I become a more disciplined person *because* I’m trying to raise my deadlift 1RM.
I also think that’s just an individual thing. I’m very goal-oriented, but I also know the goal is secondary to engaging the process. I set the goal so that I engage the process. I don’t think everyone is like that, though; for many people enjoying the process is enough, and they don’t need a goal to motivate them.
(Also downloaded Yesteryear to my Kindle — I can’t wait to read it!)
Having a hobby in pursuit of excellence is such folly, and only something that someone who hasn’t had multiple truly bad setbacks would think is a long-term solution to happiness and productivity. I think “doing stuff” (particularly if that stuff can be fun) is plenty.
Book-wise I am currently triple-fisting “When the Body Says No,” “Antarctica” (Keegan), and “The Story of a New Name” (Ferrante). They are all ok. I haven’t really been wowed by any book in particular this year, but that’s ok.
You inspired me to write a little blurb on discpline: https://seasonsofsuccess.substack.com/p/prioritizing-enjoyment-over-discpline?r=2w9kj4
In a world of hustle culture that tells us we’re never doing enough, I think that pursing hobbies purely for enjoyment can be its own kind of discipline.
Interesting idea to ponder. I have noticed few colleagues around me pursuing incredible hobbies (iron man post cancer recovery, master in philology, writing novels, qualifying UMBT) while holding full time job. They inspire me and I do see the benefits of having a serious hobby that translates into other aspects of life. Obviously one needs to truly love it to sustain it and if nothing sparkle that kind of commitment for you after running, it’s okay to put more into existing things or new things. You don’t necessarily need to find a hobby to be more discipline, you already are, but to find another source of joy and satisfaction.
I listened to the episode, but I had the same reaction as SESB. There’s a lot of survivorship bias going on there. Yeah, sure, it’s easy to say the “pursuit of excellence” is great if everything (or almost everything) you do works out the way you want it to. Much less so if you try just as hard but things don’t go your way, and, for most people, they don’t. At least not at an elite level. I’ve found myself much more attracted to Kendra Adachi’s perspective that it’s great to do stuff that you like because you enjoy it and/or are good at it, but it’s fine to just be a normal person. Most of us are.
I was thinking about you when I was listening to Hit Play Not Pause and she had Dimity on from Another Mother Runner and she’s written a book about having to give up running. It was a good episode though your reason for stopping was more sudden and you really just can’t pick up another cardio activity. But it may resonate with you and the raw feelings and identity issues.
Really interesting question to ponder. So he’s saying a “pursuit of excellence” activity unlocks discipline in the other areas of your life? I get it… but there’s also something in there that rubs me the wrong way (of course I haven’t listened to the podcast so maybe I’m getting it wrong). There’s this expectation now for everyone to “optimize” their lives- eat better, sleep better, excel at work, nail your workouts, take cold showers, follow a keto diet… I think it can get extreme. We don’t always have to be doing every single thing the most optimal way. On the other hand… I think having something you’re passionate about outside of work and family is good. Otherwise life can start to feel like a grind. Okay, I should probably listen to the podcast!
Glad you liked Sky Daddy! I thought it was so good.
I think you are a WISE WOMAN JENNY!!!! More sitting around reading books like Sky Daddy, less optimizing is the way to go.
I see the “excellence” thing being downstream of going all in on something you care a lot about, whether it’s your golf game, cooking something ambitious, etc — like not half-assing things. But the point is allowing yourself to care. I agree that we don’t need to hustle and optimize our hobbies (!! the antithesis of hobbying), but I like looking at a knitting pattern that involves a skill I haven’t practiced, and choosing that pattern because it will help me practice that skill, rather than making yet another cotton dishcloth bc they’re easy and mindless. You know? I think for me, pursuing my hobbies in this way prevents me from becoming bored with them. I guess that’s a strong-man argument for his point.
And honestly I think plenty of people are perfectly content to keep their hobbies at the “puttering” level (I certainly have many puttering-level hobbies myself) and that’s great, because not everything needs to be optimized. I do think though that allowing yourself to pursue your potential in some non-work-related areas is a good thing.
The past couple years have been HARD on me, and the only thing I want to be more disciplined about is RESTING. Hustle culture is getting out of control. What about connecting with family and friends? I want to give myself space to be still or space to play. Allow my nervous system to relax. That sounds optimal to me 🙂
Yes, I really like what Jenny had to say about the pursuit of excellence. Why do we need to optimize everything we do? I don’t know if I’m pursuing excellence in ANYTHING I do, but I guess that’s just not my personality. I like comfort and peace and quiet. That fuels me more than pursuing excellence!
Yesteryear was crazy good. I really loved it!