On call, aaaaaand . . .feeling a little blah. There is just something about being ON for the patients and ON for the family and presumably still ON a little bit for me (ie, being responsible about health, little life details, etc) that is just soooooooo draining. Without call, I feel like I can really just zoom into my work brain ~8:30 – 5* — but when all the sudden the edges bleed over — even theoretically** — well, I find it hard. Very draining. When I was a (childless) fellow, I would go home and lie on the couch and basically baby myself until the week was over. Now? I leave and shift into parenting mode the second I walk through the door. And I’m never present on call evenings, as much as I hate to admit it.
Yesterday I self-soothed with double device time (including a horrifying amount of aimless scrolling) + crappy eating. And it didn’t really work – just woke up feeling bad about my lame night.
Tonight I am going to try to do better – attempt a barre3 workout (home) after the kids are in bed, and then either hang out with Josh (if home) or read or watch another episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend WITHOUT another device in my hand. Wish me luck . . .
(List-making also might be a stress relief activity for me!)
* Yes, those are my hours unless I’m on call (call = 20% of the time). Yes, I know many doctors work more. In my defense I think I get a lot done in that time frame.
** Even if I don’t get called, I’m thinking about my inpatients and maybe even some of the imaginary calls I could get)
3 Comments
Do not apologize about your schedule. You’ve worked hard and I’m assuming picked your field partly because of it. Good for you on prioritizing what’s important to you! And well, yes. Call sux.
You captured perfectly why I dislike call (and I only do it 10% of the time)—-I can’t be present at home because my mind is on the patients, working through potential scenarios, etc… The double-device is definitely a hard-core coping mechanism!
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