— gorillaz, “clint eastwood”
overwhelmed is a state of mind. stressed, though it sounds sort of physiological, is also a state of mind. both are overrated and quite OVERDONE in today’s world, or at least the comfortable padded american world that i live in. i think that we are conditioned to feel these things because we are lost if we don’t. because THEN, we might actually have to admit that we actively decide how to spend our time — admit that we must take responsibility for each hour and day and year of our lives — and admit that we are not being pulled helplessly in 5 directions: that part is all in our heads.*
i have to remind myself of this often enough that i am considering tatooing it on my arms (would be pretty badass, right?). obligations and responsibilities are funny things. they can seem gaseous, expanding to fill any container available to them, when really they are not. i am feeling a twinge of faux-‘stress’ this morning, i must admit, which spawned this entry; in my case, this is not only overdone but it is ridiculous because HELLO, i am not even WORKING, and the only things i really have to do are to be a nice host for family and work on wedding stuff and plan a honeymoon in hawaii.
but it just goes to show that it’s all mental. or that i am.
in other news, the marathon went well (as illustrated in the graph). it was a challenging course and i was immensely happy with the improvement in my time and racing strategy (ie, not running the last 6 miles grimacing like i was going throgh labor, which pretty much sums up last fall’s marathon). i have to admit that running these things is starting to feel rather routine — i feel less like a hero at the end and more like i’m just doin’ my job. i still would like to qualify for boston someday, but i have 13 minutes still to shave off. i am going to do some speed-focused training this summer, and i *may* make my first real qualification attempt in january or so.
* don’t i almost sound like a psychiatrist already?