Q4 2024
Well. I knew this year would be hard, but I am not sure I knew how hard. It has all been doable, but . . . barely. And definitely at the expense of sleep and possibly some of my sanity.
I don’t have a grand sweeping ‘answer’ to all of this, but I just want to take the time to acknowledge how wild these past couple of months have felt. And it’s not all bad stuff! The 2 big kids are thriving in their activities, which happen to be late (hence the sleep issue) — a kid comes home at 9 pm 4/5 weeknights, though a carpool has helped dull some of this pain.
There have been such immense highs (such as this Sunday!) and but we’ve also dealt with some really tough times — the challenges of August/Sept and now some new (THANKFULLY) unrelated things. The kids are in separate schools for the first time in 3 years. I have been writing my book and marathon training. I have been scrolling and not reading. I have felt elated and defeated and everything in between.
ALL OF THIS in Q4, 2024.
Just . . . yeah. Wow.
A List of Things Currently Stressing Me Out:
1- I have 1.5 jobs. I do. I recognize this. I had ~1 job, but now I have book stuff on top of that and I am THRILLED about that, but also, I have 1.5 jobs. This stress is temporary (because there are due dates) but it is real. I was keeping up with my schedule until ~1 week ago and now I feel concerned because I don’t have much ‘makeup’ time available. I think I am going to have to figure out some way to do a retreat of some kind, even if it’s during the work week (could go to clinic but then stay overnight in a hotel nearby 1-2 nights to gain some interruption-free writing time).
2- School stuff for NEXT academic year. This may happen for one or more kids next year and this is not an easy trivial to-do item. It’s looming over me, as are the logistics that would have to go with such a big change.
3- My bad evening screen habits. I keep writing about it, and I keep not . . . fixing it. (I’m sorry!). This is 100% a stress-induced thing for me, I am recognizing that. But life will never be stress free, and I think it only makes my mental status worse. I will keep at it. Maybe I just need to stop trying to read and lean into TV for a while instead.
4- Parenting is hard, you guys. (Did anyone listen to the Dr. Becky / Jonathan Haidt episode this week? I think there was a lot they got right, AND it did not make me less stressed out.)
5- I have a marathon coming up. Honestly, the logical / rational thing to do would be to stop training. BUT I have less than 8 weeks to go and I just kind of want to knock it out at this point! (And I want to run sub-3:40 so I can feel confident about Boston 2026. This May I ran 3:35 so this is realistic, but I can’t do it without training hard.)
Definitely not asking for solutions here but it did feel good to get all of this out!
10 Comments
No wise advice. Parenting is really hard. I finally realize this year that I need to unsubscribe unfollow and generally not read any parenting advice. It never helps. In fact I always feel worse. Hoping you can navigate through the tough stuff and come out better on the other side
Parenting is HARD. Different stages are hard in different ways. No advice, juse commiseration.
Dr. Becky and Jonathan Heidt are stress-inducing. In the interest of self-preservation I have opted out of reading or listening to both of them and some of their colleagues.
I also opted out of the Dr. Becky/Heidt podcast. I used to listen to Dr. Becky quite a bit but has basically stopped listening to parenting content. It makes me feel more stressed out. I am sure there are things we could do differently/better but I don’t have the will/capacity to think about it. And the tech stuff feels far off for us since our kids are almost-4 and 6 so I’m pushing it off until it’s a more pressing issue to think through.
It’s tough to feel like you have more on your plate than you can manage at the moment. Writing a book is such a BIG deal so I can see how that is a major source of stress for you. You can do it, though. If you can swing some retreats, even if it’s just mid-week, that seems like a wise idea!
lol I just said to my work friend this morning “why didn’t anyone tell me that parenting was so hard?”
I don’t usually find Dr. Becky all that helpful but will give the episode a listen. While The Anxious Gen is stressful I’m grateful that it’s out there. My kids’ school went phone free this year and I think it’s really impacting how a lot of parents at the school plan to navigate phones/social media. It also gave me the confidence as a medical provider to provide my patients who are experiencing anxiety and their parents advice on limiting phone and social media use.
I remember going back to work after my first maternity leave and one of my managers basically saying “It only gets harder as they get older!” Her kids were probably in middle school then, but I was so offended. I was back at work in clothes that didn’t feel well, pumping in conference rooms at a client multiple times a day, feeling emotional about leaving my teeny tiny baby at daycare, etc. I won’t say she was right because I don’t think it gets harder. That’s too depressing. I just think every stage is the hardest stage. You haven’t done it before so it’s hard. Period. I’m dealing with some really stressful medical and behavioral/educational stuff with one of mine and I never would could have imagined how hard it would be.
I actually think pumping and toddler life for me, personally, was still harder. (Just bc of my personality and some very obsessive hangups I had around nursing and maybe some biochemical stuff w the hormones). I kind of think her comment was … not helpful! (You probably would not say that to someone and I definitely would not!).
However 100% agree this is also really hard! Maybe they are not even comparable bc it’s sooooooo different!
I think you are right that every stage can be hard. My oldest is 18 and on another continent for college. He is doing really well and clearly I am not doing hands on parenting, but I still feel like it is hard. If someone would have told me when I had a newborn that I would still think this parenting thing is hard after my kid is a legal adult, I think I would have just melted into a puddle and never gotten back up. But, yeah, every stage is new and no one knows what they are doing.
I really hate those ‘just wait’ kind of comments. How is that helpful? My oldest is 6.5 so I am still new to parenting but toddlers are the hardest stage for me so far. I know they say ‘big kids, big problems’ but at least you’re sleeping through the night and the older kid stages are not as physically exhausting.
I remember a couple of years ago, a colleague announced that him and his wife were expecting on a team call and one of my male colleagues went on and on and on about how hard his life was going to be and how litttle he would sleep, etc etc. I messaged him after and told him to block out the negativity and to enjoy all the snuggles and the gift of being a parent. I noticed the same dynamic when I got married. People were quick to chime in with negative comments about marriage. I guess people just want to complain or something? But what a sad way to approach life. I keep my mouth shut about the challenges of the toddler stage because maybe their child will be an easy toddler or maybe they are better suited to parent toddlers and won’t struggle like I have. It’s not my job to be the negative dooms day person!
Parenting is hard af. I vacillate between being so proud and hopeful for my daughter and being terrified for her future. Maybe this is normal for this stage of life? And next week my husband is out of town for work, I’m on call followed by two full OR days and a 6:30 am lecture on Tuesday (barf), D has Halloween, and we have dog school 3 nights (it’s not always like that). It’s going to be a lot and I am tired just thinking about it.
If it helps to hear this… I did three things recently to improve my life because of you: 1) I deleted Reddit from my phone (facebook and instagram were gone looooong ago), and 2) I figured out I’ve read 26 books so far this year (not including like 6 I DNF), and 3) I am planning my weeks better (helps me figure out what a realistic amount of work to get done is so I feel less bad about myself when less of it gets done than I want). Right now I am trying hard to appreciate this time of year in MI — we are about to have leaf-drop and the trees are breathtakingly beautiful. I am promising myself to do at least one nature walk through Bird Hills before that happens. Also trying to put one foot in front of the other for the research stuff.
I appreciate your commiseration on the topic! It makes me feel less alone. 🙂
Believe it or not, you’re doing it. This is what that feels like. Keep kicking ass.
PS I started Horse and it is excellent. You should read it.
Awwwww thank you. It means a lot! I delete Reddit daily … unfortunately have been reinstalling nightly. This is a recent thing and it’s so bad!!! I am glad I am not drawn to other substances like this!!
(I am usually better at following my own advice. lol. But really!)