maybe i did

March 27, 2008

run out of things to say.

actually, i’ve just been in a rather pathetic mood recently, and just haven’t felt like writing. this is because:

— i am sick of being on the wards
— i am TIRED
— i am sick of being an intern
— i can’t run
— I can’t RUN
— I CAN’T RUN!!!

well, i guess i CAN, but not without an incredible amount of pain. even though the sports medicine guy that i saw said that it was okay to do so (i guess i didn’t have an impressive physical exam), i cannot believe that it is safe to run when a) there is searing pain with every step and b) the pain causes me to run in a bizarre gait that is bound to injure something else.

the good news is that:

— i am getting an MRI next friday, so that i can find out what the $*&#@*& is going on with my hip
— i will be done with the wards after my call is over on sunday morning.

i am going to let myself just marinate in the down-in-the-dumps funk that i am currently in. i have really lost enthusiasm for work and am just grinding through the days. i have barely worked out for like 3 weeks — honestly, i don’t think i’ve gone this long without consistent exercise since a 2-month stretch in 2004 (i can remember just giving up on workouts during my medicine rotation in 2nd-year med school). i think the lack of endorphins is contributing to my mood, but now it’s a vicious cycle (ie, i don’t WANT to make myself do stuff like the elliptical) because i’m just feeling too lackadaisical and pathetic.

on monday i will suck it back up, join the swanky gym i’ve been eyeing and restart cross-training, and forcibly reawaken my enthusiasm for learning & caring for patients. but for now, i am going to lie on the couch, watch top model, and refuse to cook dinner. and that’s just how it’s going to be.

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