maybe i just need some adderall

i got about 15 hours of sleep last afternoon/night, and woke up dehydrated with a caffeine-withdrawal headache. seriously, there is really no way to trick the body into joyfully accepting 32-hour periods of being awake. it may seem like everything i write is whining about sleep (and lack thereof) these days, and that’s because yes, i’m completely preoccupied with how tired i am right now. i am dreaming of normal, nightly sleep and waking up rested the way someone on a strict 1000 calorie/day diet obsesses over the ice cream sundaes and fries he just cannot have.

like hunger, it’s not too hard to ignore/fight sleep debt for a while, but eventually the fatigue buildup forms sort of a darkened veil around your psyche, making it difficult to focus, relax, or even get much enjoyment out of life. if i did this for long enough, i’d probably start meeting multiple criteria for clinical depression.

actually, i have the first S (although that’s a bit clouded by the inciting situation), some of I, a touch of G, definite E, perhaps some C, but none of A, P, or the scary second S. hopefully things will never progress to that point.

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9.17.08: the day that pretty much didn’t exist

run: N/A

reading: N/A

cooking: N/A

calls left in stretch of 14: 3.