they might as well rename december month of slack as far as i’m concerned. i don’t know what’s with me, but i am definitely in some sort of life rut at this moment! i think part of the problem was that my chopped up week of vacation didn’t feel like a real vacation and now, i’m barely working hard enough to feel like i’m really doing that either!
i’m not really complaining, i promise, because i realize it is probably every resident’s dream to finish work each day in the mid-afternoon hours. and i like it too! but interestingly, i think i had gotten used to the idea that residents are needed and important in some way. unlike in medical school, generally it would matter if i waltzed out of the hospital on a whim before the day had come to a close. after all, most months there are even people on as backup if you’re sick!
except right now, i feel decidedly un-needed. i keep getting pulled for various orientations and trainings and when i return to clinic, it is apparent that they’ve done a-ok without my services. i know i’m there to learn — and i am learning — but i think that feeling extraneous is just another ingredient in my current laziness stew that is keeping me from being my usual motivated, efficient self.
and i miss my usual self. i like her better than the droopy-eyed, slack-jawed, slow-moving version that has been inhabiting my body since thanksgiving or so. usually a new calendar year and the urgency of 20 or so resolutions brings her back, but i don’t want to wait that long.
maybe i could lure her out with boots. ooh, they’re even on sale!!