breathe in, breathe out

why so tense?
for some reason, i’ve just been feeling . . . unsettled this week. i am antsy and anxious about research, annoyed and anxious about procedures and other residency-related things, and pessimistic and anxious about general life-plan stuff. YES, there is a common theme here.

and i can’t even explain why, really. perhaps it’s post-vacation blues, or being shoved back into routine only to find that it’s a different one than i had been used to. i feel like i’m sort of floundering around work-wise — partly because i don’t know what i’m doing, and partly because i just don’t feel like i’m in the groove yet. maybe it’s taper madness. or seasonal affective disorder. or hormones.

(as a future endocrinologist, i think that EVERYTHING somehow relates to hormones, in the end, anyway!).

whatever the cause, i am ready to fight back. hello, mindfulness? THIS IS WHEN I NEED YOU. today, i will think about:

▪ acknowledging the doubts and worries that are inevitably going to pop up from the inner reaches of my brain, without letting them prevent me from moving forward. i will just give them a nod and go on about my business.

▪ making realistic plans for each day so that i don’t feel overwhelmed right from the start

▪ really focusing on each task as i tackle it. breaks are wonderful and necessary, but continuous multitasking just isn’t a strategy that works for me. this means: GOODBYE desktop twitter ap (you were fun while you lasted) and WELCOME BACK media diet!

i hope (really hope) all this doesn’t make me sound too crazy. it’s likely that i’m not the only one suffering from idiopathic (and likely multifactorial) winter duldrums, but i still feel slightly self-conscious posting this sort of pep talk online. hopefully it will perk up someone else’s spirits as well — or at least be a voice of commiseration!

science geniuses!
thank you, siobhan, emily, and jenny for your incredibly helpful and insightful tips in the comments yesterday!

all 3 of you are role models to me in terms of doing amazing things in the lab while enjoying your lives, so your advice means so much to me. i am seriously considering printing out your words of wisdom to stick in the cover of my research notebook.

practicing what i preach type
off to tackle the day’s (manageable, appropriate) list!

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12.2.09

workout: none. unfortunately, moodiness –> laziness + hibernation-type behavior –> more moodiness. time to break the cycle!

doin’ time: nah. and to jenny who commented on the small size of tuesday’s dinner: i woke up STARVING wednesday morning. it wasn’t quite enough for me, either! i think i needed more carbs.

intubations: 2! plus an IV! HOLLA!