The uncertainty. The waffling. The unclear instructions. The constant sweeping announcements: This is closed! This is cancelled! Should we cancel this? This is still business as usual. Oh wait, cancelled.
On the spectrum from “I like to fly by the seat of my pants!” to “I like to know what I’m eating for lunch 3 weeks from now”, you all know where I tend to fall. And right now, the situation is hitting my planning instincts. Hard.
I feel sad, you guys. Sad and disappointed and sort of lost. I had been looking forward to a year filled with big events and travel. I may not have realized it, but a lot of that anticipation must contribute to my daily sense of well-being. A cheerful sense that I am working towards things. And now, with those opportunities removed or in jeopardy, everything feels flat. And I am sad. Distracted, too. It has been hard to focus at work and at home.
Obviously I am NOT the only one going through this. And also obviously, I recognize that my sadness is not important in the grand scheme of things. Some people are getting very sick from COVID-19, some people are at high risk themselves or have high risk individuals in their immediate families.
Others may find themselves financially at risk. My sister, for example, is a small business owner. Will people stop going to her store because they are stuck at home (she does have online ordering, and I was telling her yesterday that she should start a ‘virtual’ knit group so that people can feel like they are doing something social even if stuck at home)? But still, will her customers buy less because they are feeling less financially secure? Other industries will be impacted more directly. I anticipate that our hospital’s finances (and general operation) are going to be stretched and things will get more stressful.
I am not posting to declare “poor me” because actually, I am aware that objectively my situation is quite lucky. My job is not in jeopardy, even if it may start to get more stressful (I am already worried about the residents).
In my current institution, they have now banned travel to any meetings until further notice, so I have cancelled upcoming trips to San Diego and Fort Worth. However, we are still seeing patients at full force. My personal opinion is that we should start moving to a telemedicine model because it feels odd to be seeing multiple patients and families each day without any protective equipment. We are “screening for high risk” patients (ie recent travel to heavily impacted countries), but now that there is community spread . . . I’m just not sure that this is all that effective.
Case in point, G had a 103.6F fever last night. She has a URI. Our nanny also has it. Josh had it the week prior (no fever, mild cough). In fact, I am the only one who has not had this illness (yet). It’s probably not COVID-19. But there is no testing being done for mild cases, and there are no guidelines for me to stay home just because I happen to have a sick child (though we are supposed to stay home if we ourselves become sick, and I obviously would follow those). So . . .
I don’t know. I don’t know if we should go to NC (and perhaps notably, Duke just cancelled in person classes and the state has now declared emergency). I don’t know if I should go to Mean Girls this weekend at a large performance center. I don’t know when the decision to travel will feel uncomplicated again.
I know emotions are on high with this particular topic. I am probably going to get comments on this post that say “stop spreading panic!” and others that say “how could you possibly even consider traveling with your family and contributing to the continued spread, how selfish”. But I’m going to post it anyway. And I leave the question open: would YOU fly to NC in 1.5 weeks? (Josh suggested I ask the blog; the Instagram results thus far are posted above).
(PS: I don’t think driving to NC is a good option. It’s 12 hours and just sounds like torture. If the choice is drive vs stay home, I’d prefer just staying home.)
(PPS: Also, could the time change have come at a worse moment!? This is NOT when we all need to be extra tired and cranky and off!)
(PPPS: LL is in Curacao right now. And I am SO JEALOUS.)