We have had some good nights and some bad nights with the kids recently. And it has made me think. Why do the kids respond so differently to the same circumstances sometimes? Why is getting ready for bed effortless one night and as demanding and complicated as an advanced military operation the next?
I am realizing more and more how much of it depends on my attitude. My energy. My ability to . . . steer the ship, so to speak.
Sometimes I’m tired and it just feels so hard. Other times it flows and just feels so good. In those moments I am so grateful for my life and the way it has turned out.
In the low moments, I often get to feeling like some sort of victim, which let’s face it — is a ridiculous story to be telling myself. (or you all!)
It DOES FEEL hard sometimes though. Sometimes the overwhelming feeling is loneliness. Sometimes I just don’t feel that great (last couple days — due to catching a mild version of a cold that G managed to bring home from school after being back an entire 3 days). Sometimes I just feel like I just want a break from it all, and that urge can be distracting and tinged with misplaced resentment.
I’m not sure what my thesis is here except to say I have become more aware of how my energy contributes to the way our family life feels, and I very much want to continue to work on that. I think self-compassion and self-care are important, and they both contribute to my ability to be wholly present, both at home (and at work, for that matter).
There’s no easy package or SMART goal to package this up neatly, but it’s something I want to keep at the top of mind in this new year. (And hopefully beyond that!).
Okay, Deep Work break over!