As always, thank you for the caring and insightful comments yesterday. I feel very lucky to have you.
I woke up feeling a bit better today, maybe because I have a plan to obtain some support.
Things I Will Work On:
1- Prioritizing exercise. I know I have ‘permission’ to dial down in this area, but I have always felt that exercise is a positive thing for my mental health. I am giving myself permission to do what feels good, but I want to prioritize getting in daily movement, whether it is a run or a yoga session. 6:00 am is my sacred window for this.
2- Saying no when I need to, or figuring out how to say yes but on my terms. I also love the suggestion of not responding immediately to things that are non-urgent. It is very true that instant responses a) just invite more (*&#$ emails and b) create a (false) expectation that I will be able to answer every question immediately. One idea might be a weekly “call back” block, and one of the medical assistants could alert patients that I will be calling them during that time to answer questions. I think with clinical questions, it would put people at ease to know their questions will be answered, even if the time frame is not immediate.
3- Getting some things on the calendar that are truly FUN for me. I have a 3 day retreat planned with Laura next month that I am really looking forward to, and Josh and I just added an impromptu date night this Saturday.
4- NOT stress over things not worth stressing over, to the extent possible. Example: finances. A reader (wisely) pointed out that it might be time to just . . . stop worrying so much right now. We did not purchase a house that is above our means, and thus we are not going to broke from expenses related to said house. It is true we might not save as much this year as last year. It’s not a race, and a year in which you purchase a house might be a year requiring more financial outlay. I am better of accepting this.
Another example, which I will begrudgingly note: screen time totals. YES, staying off of social media is largely good for me. YES, limiting scrolling as escape mechanism is good for me. NO, worrying about “minutes accumulating” as I take a walk during a Webex meeting or use google maps is not a productive use of brain energy. This can be filed under #uphholderproblems that aren’t actually even problems and I will just work on getting over myself.
5- Finding a therapist, as I mentioned yesterday. Because I can only vent into the blogosphere so much . . . and I think having that dedicated time carved out for processing will be valuable. Plus, this is what I would encourage any friend (or trainee) to do in these circumstances! I have one call set up and another possible lead, so that is good.
That seems like a good start.
Started this book this morning after a reading drought:
Seems like it might feel comforting right now.
On an unrelated (sort of) note: this pic from this Sunday’s Superbowl brings me joy, as did the halftime show itself (which I have since read means I am due for a preventative cancer screening, which is true – mammogram #2 soon, ha). G was rocking out with a dance accompaniment and C lying there is fast asleep.