#1 I still haven’t cleared out / finished responding to my email since call. Call was 6/24 – 6/30. Of course there has been triaging/archiving, but I need to respond and process and deal with things. There just hasn’t been a “good day”. Maybe tomorrow will be that day, but I’m getting my hair done and that takes forever, so maybe not.
#2 I really dislike strength training. Kae made a good point in her post today that there is no inherent reason I love running and hate strength, just like there is no real reason she feels the exact opposite. I wish I liked it. I know it’s better if I just do it anyway. But man — I know exactly why it falls off of my schedule so easily — it’s just zero fun! (Somehow I had *some* fun with strength training when I was in my Beachbody phase. Or maybe things were just so boring during COVID that it felt . . . exciting? I definitely do best with a ‘program’. I am trying Caroline’s IRON series and survived leg day but her workouts are ESPECIALLY boring and torturous to me. Even though I think she seems like a delightful and kind person.)
#3 I have SUCH MIXED FEELINGS about kids and screens. The Anxious Generation is already making my head spin. I truly would love it if we could get rid of every single cell phone for teens and tweens. BUT . . . it doesn’t seem like that is going to happen any time soon, and I do not feel it would be good for my tweens if they are the only outliers WITHOUT the access that their friends have. Particularly for group texts and the like. I would seriously enroll them in a Tech Free Bubble School where NO ONE is allowed to have a device, but this does not exist in South Florida.
(On the other hand, I do not want them on social media — particularly any platform with influencers of any kind — until . . .well, indefinitely at this juncture.)
On weekends, we often let them play on screens in the afternoons. They are generally playing video games (everyone) or watching TV shows (the girls) . These activities do not really bother me that much, maybe because I did both of those things growing up (though the games were less addicting and fun. STILL THOUGH — how many hours did I spend on the original NES or playing computer games on floppy disk? Many. It’s not called the Oregon Trail Gen for nothing.)
We used to do Screen Free months. I would love to do this again with maybe an exception for texting. It’s also interesting to bring the kids into this conversation. Anyway. More to say on all of that. I do kind of miss 1995.
(Also, I know you’re reading this on a screen of some kind. And I’m typing it on one!! So yeah. VERY MIXED CONFUSING FEELINGS.)
#4 I kind of have planner peace again!? Okay, this is a more positive confession. It may be that all I really need to function in life is an Erin Condren Life Planner (the 3-vertical box layout) and a Hobonichi Cousin. (Okay fine, and a 5-year journal.) This isn’t all that much of a stack but really packs a LOT of punch.
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#1 My appointment (different place) is Saturday. Hair twins!
#2 Maybe some structure will give you that motivation? I have friends who like the Downdog HIIT app. (I like Downdog Yoga. The format of the app somehow makes me feel accountable even though I’m doing it on my own time.)
Have you listened to Dr. Lisa Damour’s podcast at all? I think she has really good advice about screens. She focuses on making sure kids aren’t missing out on communications with friends (like being left off a group text because you don’t have a phone), she discourages social media before 14 (after reading AG I think this should be higher but she’s realistic), and she also discourages tracking of kids and reading their texts/invading their privacy. I feel like her advice around screens is attainable and not fear based. She has a number of podcasts about technology (should my kids use social media, should I kick my kid off of tik tok, should I track my kid … and I know there are more). She was also referenced as a source in the AG book.
I have heard her before (and really liked her!) but never subscribed to the podcast. Doing so now!!! I do not want any of my kids on TikTok for a long time as consumers or creators.
Dyl got a smartphone almost a year ago as did all but one of her friends. So far it has been pretty drama free, but maybe we are just lucky? The only screen related drama this year was when her one friend who doesn’t have a phone stole one of the friend’s phones and started texting random boys in the class pretending to be the friend. Other positive screen activities for her include math, DuoLingo (she has a 1400 day streak now), and I recently discovered she knew all about military planes from the Roblux flight simulator. We do try to limit screens on weekends until after 3 bc the seem to sap creativity, but otherwise we have been blessed with a smooth transition. Oh! The friend who is not allowed screens… her 13yo brother just ran a 1:35 half marathon. Sadly, I don’t think depriving Dylan of a phone would turn her into an Olympic athlete. Let’s hope I don’t eat my words when 7th grade starts!
All sounds like positive stuff for D. No social media yet right? A has an iphone too (my old one), for past ~6m or so. I agree it hasn’t been terrible. No drama specifically related to the phone. I guess it seems to be MOSTLY social media that is the worry. Or getting to a very addictive level of scrolling. Or the ‘crowding’. Your 3 pm on weekend policy sounds a lot like what we do now (usually it’s more like 1-2pm but 3pm would probably be better/more appropriate).
No social media, and I would like to hold off as long as possible on that. She does help make movies for the dog’s TikTok channel (recently reactivated bc *I* needed to quit TikTok), and has asked for her own channel and Snapchat… and that was a big no from me. I won’t be able to prevent it forever, but I am hanging on to that last bit of control as long as possible!
Tangent: I recently realized Dyl will be able to get her learners permit in 2y, which seems insane to me. I don’t even allow her in the front seat yet! Is the law similar in FL? Trying to think about how I will navigate that!
Yes permit at 15! We recently let A go in the front seat sometimes. (FL prohibits under age 12 but at 12 it is allowed). She’s pretty close to my height at this point! Probably not quite as safe as back but it has been really nice not to have them all crowded back there and to be able to talk to her.
Do you ever listen to “You’re wrong about” podcast? They just did an episode about phones that might interest you and they mention that book.
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1112270/15310795-phones-are-good-actually-with-taylor-lorenz
Two thoughts:
I bring my laptop to my hair appointments and work. My salon has wifi. I try to do mindless stuff like email cleanouts or reviewing labs but I once signed a death certificate while getting my hair colored (it was an emergency, the death certificate not the hair color) by colorist still talks about it.
Emily Oster wrote about screens this week and I found it really balanced and practical. She also gets into the quality of the data which is that a lot of is correlation not causation. There may be underlying reasons that some kids are on phones/SM more and those underlying reasons may make them different. Anyway, I found it helpful https://parentdata.org/screens-amp-social-media/
Our kids get phones starting in 6th grade but no social media … really ever. Our 17 yo is not on social media.
Makes total sense about yes phones but no SM! Will definitely read the article.
I do plan on bringing my laptop but my hair guy is quite chatty and I’ve never really managed to accomplish much even though appointments are like 4 hours long!
I have a tween and I got him a phone! But it is a Gabb Wireless phone so he can only do calls, texts, listen to music, and he can take photos. This seems to bridge the gap because he can communicate with everyone while having no social media or internet access. Maybe at some point he will beg for a true smart phone, but for now, this is doing the trick. So, this is a recommendation for Gabb for kid cell phone needs!
I think I am going to skip The Anxious Generation for now. It feel like it would make make me anxious. Ha. Plus that stage is still far off for me. Besides Emily Oster, I also follow another Brown colleague who focuses on technology usage. She would be a great guest for BOBW. Her substack is Techno Sapiens.
I like CG’s workouts and don’t find them boring but they can get a little long – like close to 40 min for some. But I like her playlist and the no repeat workouts are my faves. But like you, I prefer running to strength although I do not enjoy winter running so that is when I really lean into strength. Right now I have not been doing strength because it hurts too much to grasp weights and the body weight only workouts feel kind of meh. I think my fave strength program was morning meltdown because they were fast paced and short!
I love strength training but I also notice that I’m happier when I listen to a podcast versus listening to the instructor. Maybe you’d prefer it if you could listen to music or a podcast?
My teens have smartphones and social media. They also drive an hour to school each way! I do a lot of parenting on instagram, sending them reels, they send me things… I’ve found it useful to be more in line with their peers and able to communicate with them directly. We occasionally do spot checks, I’m most interest to see their “for you” or discover pages, to make sure they haven’t wandered off into a negative space within the app. We are all happy with this arrangement and keep the conversation constantly going.
My oldest is A’s age but a year behind in school. We are going a middle road for him this year and getting him an Apple Watch. My hope is that it lets him communicate but isn’t as addicting as a screen. We’ll see.
For strength, the key to me has been finding a program I liked. I tried SO many in person and virtual classes and merely tolerated them, but the past year started taking Callie’s strength classes on the peloton platform. She is upbeat but not annoying (to me anyway), her classes vary in format each time, they aren’t overly complex…just a perfect mix for me. While I still don’t “crave” it the way I do a run, I do not dread the class at all which is huge to me.
My child starts middle school this fall. I am eyeing the Bark phone. I like that he wouldn’t be able to delete texts, photos, etc. without our permission. I have no real desire to read his texts, but if something goes down I want to have the full context available. My professional life has intersected with this debate for nearly two decades, so I’ve watched several waves of apps and social media roll through. I am eager to delay that part of things as long as possible.
Any way to get a speaker on BOBE on the nuts and bolts of how to be educated on smart phones and teens? I know my kid will want one and I don’t trust my own tech abilities or know how to go about learning.
Aaargh! BOBW!!
I hate strength training as well and do power yoga instead in addition to other body weight strength. I feel like that’s good enough.
I hate strength training too! I like Peloton because they have short workouts and I never have to do the same one twice, but about half the instructors drive me crazy. Right now I am procrastinating an arm workout that is all of ten minutes long because it will be booooring.
I think it is interesting that so many people report stress from reading The Anxious Generation! My husband and I read it a few weeks ago and didn’t have that response—although we did come away from it quite motivated to give our kids more independent experiences and unsupervised time. We have loved the work the Let Grow organization (referenced several times in the book) is doing and got “kid licenses” for our oldest two, and have been really proactive about giving them opportunities to use them. Our takeaway was that most of the “damage” done by screens is by displacing unstructured and unsupervised time, especially mixed-age-group time, which organized sports etc are almost as guilty of. Social media was the one glaring, more harmful exception, but the data around video games, tv etc was much less alarming, which the author readily admits. I’m curious whether your feelings will change as you get further into the book and its context. The beginning is deliberately written to be a more inflammatory hook, we felt.
Hi Sara, I hate strength training too. I force myself to do it 3 times per week since I’m approaching 50. I have an injury so I can’t run but I love my peloton! I would do cardio every day if I could. My kids do screen time but also balance it with lots of friend time. They won’t have smartphones for a while, but they do have computers.
My 8th grader has access to our phones to text friends as much as she wants. She is part of several group texts and individual texts. We have told her that she should always assume that texts are not private so using the family phone is a good way to drive this home.
She is also free to read any texts of ours……we repeatedly tell the girls (13 and 10) that the only private conversations are those that happen in person.
We will probably get her her own phone in 9th or 10th grade
I do not have doom and gloom feelings about screens. (Except that social media broke democracy, but that’s bigger picture) 4 of my kids have phones. The older 2 have social media. The younger two mainly text friends and call me to ask why I am late to pick them up and play games. I use Apple’s parental controls and feel good about that. One kid needs screen limits or else he gets sucked in the Insta scroll, but this is relatively easy to manage. Generally, it’s fine.
Interesting! Your older teens (like Laura’s) are boys. Have you seen things play out differently in teen girls that you know? Or not really?
We are having these conversations already and my oldest is going into 4th. A number of kids have phones and basically unlimited access to everything as far as I can tell (and what my kids perceive). We allow texting with family (cousins and grandparents) on the iPad during restricted times. I also think video games and shows are mostly fine, as long as you don’t buy awful video games. It’s easy to control. I struggle the most with YouTube. My oldest watch’s interesting stuff and doesn’t seem affected by it but my younger one seems to have bad behavior after and trouble turning it off. We have limited it heavily but I think he just needs to not watch it at all. It’s hard.
I tried a CG workout and it was SO boring. I strongly prefer boot camp and barre workouts.
I’m a hard no on phones, but my kids are only rising fifth and fourth grade. The older one is in the small minority without a phone and group text/WhatsApp, but not alone. I don’t care if they’re left out, I haven’t read that book but I think social media is a scourge on society and individually toxic and I wouldn’t give them cigarettes or alcohol just because everyone else has it. Bully for them as my mother used to say. I’m pretty flexible with most parenting decisions but I just cannot knowingly give them something I see as so harmful.
Yes, I hate strength training (there, I said it out loud!) But I’m embracing it because the alternative is that my body crumbles to pieces, so… sigh. I did the CG Iron Series a couple years ago and I agree- it’s effective and boring. I guess it’s more boring than Peloton workouts because she doesn’t talk at all. I don’t know what the solution is- lately I’ve been trying to get to the gym twice a week for my strength, which means I can lift heavier weights (so, not as boring) but is annoyingly time consuming. Wow, I miss those days when ALL I DID WAS RUN.
I will definitely be skipping The Anxious Generation, because my kids are older and it’ll just make me feel bad about everything I did wrong. My son seems to have emerged on the other side unscathed (he’s 21 and has a very good relationship with screens vs. real life) but my daughter- 15- is in the thick of it. It’s not easy.
Have you tried a barre class? I love running and will never give it up. And I really do not like the feeling of lifting heavy weights or doing anything like a pull up, etc. I went to pure barre for a while about 10 years ago and then again before COVID but stopped going when I got a peloton because i did their strength programs. I run marathons and had always had IT band issues. I was going to PT for a while and realized that the PT exercises were basically the same types of exercises we did at pure barre. So I rejoined and have been going consistently 3-5 times a week for about a year. I trained for Boston in the Spring with my highest mileage ever and had no IT band issues and felt very strong.
I know I can do strength on the peloton which I already pay for and I do sometimes do a 10 minute class on the days I don’t go to barre. But the commitment of the class and membership makes me go and I like the community. And I go with my sister so that’s fun too. And I know it helps me avoid injuries and be stronger for running. So pure barre is my recommendation for strength!
I used to go to Flybarre when it existed (and loved it!). Would totally try it but I still am not sure it is a sub for heavy lifting. Maybe I should try it again though!!
Our kids are entering 6th grade and 8th grade and we aren’t anywhere near getting them phones. My 13 year old isn’t the only one of his friends without a phone and I honestly don’t know what he would do if he had one. If he needs to look something up or learn to play a song on the piano or guitar he uses one of our phones or the laptop. My 11 year old would be OBSESSED with a phone so there is no way we can give her one. Once they are driving at age 17 they can have one.
I love strength training. Knowing that you are someone who likes to challenge yourself and set and attain goals, it’s very likely that your video workouts just aren’t going to be able to offer you the dynamism that could keep you engaged.
I personally find strength training to be more interesting and fun in a gym with a wide variety of equipment and weights. I work out with a personal trainer and that creates accountability, increased expectations and makes it easier. I really like not having to think about my routine while also being able to customize my workouts to fit me. I can tell my trainer what I like and don’t like and he makes adjustments for me. Like I told him I want to be strong enough to do 38 push ups, but I want to get there without actually doing pushups, which I generally dislike doing. I like to lift heavy and not do more than 12 reps, but ideally 8. Using lighter weights and doing 20 reps of something is super boring. Plus one of the best things about weightlifting is feeling physically strong. And it’s way cooler to bench 80lbs than to do arm presses with 20lbs. My tainer also shows up with new exercises every session, and I’ve learned even small variations can make an exercise better. I found I like sit ups a lot when holding a weighted bar above my head but I will never ever ever do a regular sit up without bitching. I also find strength training more engaging when it’s targeting areas I’m concerned about I can tell him I want to improve my upper back strength because I want to improve my posture and my trainer immediately began to incorporate appropriate exercises. And he plans our workouts based on my goals, which frankly can be more whimsical and fun – my current goal is an unassisted handstand (yes, I was totally influenced by the recent gymnastics Olympic trials). And on top of that, I really like my trainer a lot. My sessions feel like I’m hanging out with a friend. We joke and laugh a lot and I have a great time. My trainer is from my work gym, so I go when I’m in the office so it isn’t out of my way.
I think once I finish my marathon in December, I will take a break from having a running coach (even though he is awesome!) and start working with a trainer. I think this is really the answer for me to do something consistently and yes sounds so much more enjoyable what you describe.
100% back the idea of trying a personal trainer. I’m also a runner but just could not motivate myself to strength train on my own. I’ve started seeing a PT once a week and have found the accountability also means I get my ‘homework’ done (they have an app and you tick off your program between sessions). This means I’m now doing it 3 times a week which is much better than none! Like Alyce I like that they can adapt the program as required – I injured my hamstring recently so we’ve pivoted to address some muscle imbalances.
I take private Pilates sessions twice a week. She knows strength is my goal and it has really shifted my body composition. It is expensive but worth it, plus it makes me go and get it done.
I was coming here to give the same recommendation! I used to hate strength training and be a cardio junkie, now I do strength most days of the week, cardio occasionally and that has started to feel like more of a drag… never thought it would shift like that for me! The biggest change was as you said 1. Having access to a range of equipment in a formal gym setting 2. Working with a trainer to hit new goals, program my workouts for me 3. Attend in person classes (I do a watered down version of cross fit at a local studio which plays the best music and has awesome coaches).
The returns on strength training are just unparalleled which also keeps me motivated and now I just genuinely enjoy lifting heavy things and crushing a hard strength workout.
As a middle school teacher, I see all the bad that comes along with teens and their parents that don’t supervise their phone usage. The kids know how to easily hide things on their instagrams, participate in bullying/ toxic group messages, and record/ take pictures of their peers without permission.
The addiction to phones that teens have is so, so terrible. Worse, sometimes parents contribute to it by texting their kids throughout the day. Our school recently transitioned to a no phone school and, sometimes, kids would get in trouble because their parent was texting them. I’m not against phones for kids, but parents need to be 100% up in their kids’ business if they’re going to have a phone.
I believe all of this even from the snippets I observe in my office. Thank you for sharing!!!
Check out The Opt-Out Family book. It’s full of statistics on technology use in minors and practical tips for reducing screen use as a family. It was anxiety inducing as a mom because the author (a mom herself) comes off a little extreme at times but it was still a good wake up call. I haven’t checked out The Anxious Generation yet.
I will check it out too!
I can probably read Haidt’s book but then maybe not. Right now our screen time is extremely limited (the kids are 4 and 6). I feel like also, the type of tech is important. For example, I don’t mind them watching a movie on the actual TV but not on their iPads. And definitely no phones. In my mind, TV cannot possibly be compared to having a phone.
So funny, I am just finishing up CG’s Iron series and as someone who has done a few ST program, she is one of the best. They will only get more torturous though haha.
She is awesome and it’s also so boring and I dislike it 😂
Said it before and I’ll say it again, try Sydney Cummings😊
I have actually! But not for a long time. I definitely could revisit!!!
Can you share the five year journal that you use? I am just about to finish one and looking to buy another one! Thanks!!
Yes! I use a Hobonichi Five year –it’s not available yet but will be released in September, I am sure!
Also love the Midori ones! https://www.jetpens.com/Midori-5-Year-Diary-Embroidered-Beige/pd/29115
Unbound also makes a lovely one: https://unboundplanner.com/products/five-year-journal