LIFE. Is it working?
I honestly can’t decide. I am now 2.5 years into working a hybrid schedule of:
- 3 days per week clinical time, other than 6 full call weeks/year, which puts me at a 65% FTE
- 2 days per week in which I do not check my clinical inbox at all and work on my own creative endeavors at home, which currently include the following:
- recording 2 weekly podcasts (yes, some of these are batched — esp BOBWO — but there is just so often something “due” semi-urgently)
- dealing with podcast admin and associated ads
- creating/running/teaching courses (more of a seasonal endeavor – not intense all year long, but intense while they are occurring, being launched, and being developed)
- writing monthly newsletters
- speaking (~2-3x/year, sometimes with travel)
- keeping up with listener questions + correspondence
- dailyish blog posts
- Patreon posts (Laura does more of these than I do – I post 1-2x/week, but still like to keep up with our little community there!)
- writing a book (and now on deck: starting to promote + record audio)
Because my clinical days are very full, there is very little I can squeeze in on those 3 weekdays, other than a couple of emails or a quickie blog post at lunchtime. Thus, the “2 flexible days” end up becoming a drop zone for:
- kids’ appointments (doctors – PCP and a couple regularly occurring specialists, dentist, orthodontist, optometrist, teacher conferences, and lately, more than one would think, the orthopedic surgeon)
- my own appointments (medical – regular + cardiology, dentist, Invisalign, eyes, OBGYN; vanity – hair, occasional nails)
- other random admin, if I don’t do it on the weekend (camp forms, YNAB, paying bills, just now coordinating payments for a group baby shower gift at work)
- Note #1: even WITH the flexibility I do have, there are things I miss sometimes that I am not thrilled about. As an example, I made it to exactly 0/3 of the offered parent teacher conference days for A last year, because they were all held in person only, during the work day, on days I had clinic. LUCKILY the first one for next year is slated for a Weds, important since both A & C will be in sync. I know not every middle school has these, but theirs does; it’s like a “speed dating” style with all of the teachers available for 1:1 quick check-ins in the gym.)
- Note #2: there are some things Josh does that I don’t do with the small amount of flexibility he has; he usually drives Tuesday/Thursday mornings, and takes care of ALL ball sports equipment related things (this is more sizable than it sounds, someone always needs a tennis racquet or lacrosse pads). But overall, my M/W are more flexible than any of his days and I do get that, given how UNFLEXIBLE my Tues/Thursday/Fridays generally are.
- Note #3: YES we have a full time nanny still who does a ton of housework type stuff, and it is HUGELY helpful in that I don’t think about laundry or dinner prep during the week. But I still want to take the kids to appointments.
- Note #4: Every time I have a call week or take any time off, that’s yet another backlog that has to be planned for and managed after the fact.
Writing this out, it is not a mystery why I always feel behind, and never feel like I have time or headspace to really invest in my business. It’s actually miraculous that I am not way MORE behind than I am already. I talked about outsourcing a little bit ago, but cannot actually figure out what I can/should outsource (I already outsource: all podcast sound stuff, all design work, coordinator for BLP Live). The only thing I can think of that might be helpful is someone to:
- do the work of course launch prep (ie, put everything up on Kajabi) – but this is not really THAT time consuming and only happens a couple of times per year
- make slides out of my workbooks (not trying to deprive anyone of a gig, but I’m thinking AI may be up to this challenge already)
- possibly some marketing type stuff (ie podcast outreach) for the book – yet I feel like those things are so much more powerful coming directly from an author, so I’m even torn about that
Everything else kind of . . . has to be me, I feel like, or it kind of dilutes everything. I have heard some podcasts that sound suspiciously like someone just looked up an AI outline and read it and DO NOT want to ever be that kind of creator. I suppose I could also just hit “delete” when people write in and ask me questions or share things but — I don’t want to! I genuinely appreciate those emails and would be very annoyed if I wrote in something that felt important to share and got nothing back (or an obvious form letter).
I feel like I SO want the current situation to work. And it KIND OF is! I mean, my episodes are always out on time, and I did write a book! But it’s working in a fairly stressful way that feels like it’s not quite to my potential or standards, if that makes sense.
If I truly had the most ideal set up EVER for me (not thinking about impact on anyone else – so not a realistic way to plan, but just a thought experiment), it would probably be to go down to just two clinical days per week (Tues + Thursday, I guess). But I do not think such an arrangement would be approved, and I can only imagine that it would lead to even more problems with availability (which really could compromise care) AND an inbox that would be exploding every single day I walk into the office. I don’t have a great answer here.
I know one option would be to give up my clinical path entirely (temporarily or forever). I was thinking about how hard it must have been for Gretchen Rubin to give up her prestigious law career (I mean, she was a clerk for the SUPREME COURT!) and how glad she (probably?) is that she did that. But I don’t know – yesterday I had a patient day with several patients I’ve known for YEARS. I really really love parts of my clinical job and . . . I think I’m pretty darn good at it! I wouldn’t mind doing a little bit less of it (and of course, there are parts I dislike), but I do not feel like I want to leave it behind.
I feel so incredibly lucky that things have worked out so far, so maybe I just . . .change nothing? Accept feeling behind 98% of the time? Learn to see my current version of “behind” as just . . . normal? Outsource all of my blog posts to a bot? (NO.)
(This post is not a whine/rant — I hope it doesn’t come off as one! I feel INSANELY fortunate to have built the hybrid career that I have, and to have ANY of these options. I just feel uncertain about what the right balance is, and what — if anything — to do next, and it helps to write it all out!)
50 Comments
This does not feel like a whine/rant at all…it feels like someone realistically trying to juggle a portfolio career along with family responsibilities. I am trying to create my own, and this really resonated with me because I too find that I spend so much time at kids appointments/my own appointments/parental appointments (aging parents) and the admin required by all these things, all while trying to manage a career and build a new revenue stream. I don’t know if there’s a solution for this but just wanted to say that I am with you.
In my job, if I have to go to a dr appt or parent-teacher conference, etc, I take leave from work, not just work around it. Luckily I am able to take either sick or annual leave for a couple of hours at a time, or a half day, and not feel like I fall too far behind. Do you have sick leave or personal time that you can take on your clinical days to deal with this kind of thing, so that it doesn’t all fall on your creative days? I think you are trying to do too much in using your flexible time to fit in all the life stuff that I would assume most people use some leave time from work for. This would functionally mean working a little less on some clinical days and having more time on your creative days, which seems like your goal.
Because we are booked solid so far out (this is a problem in many peds endo offices, demand > supply), if I take PL out of a clinical day, there are already patents scheduled there that would just have to be overbooked on other days (overloading me) and then I’d basically be using my vacation time but doing no less work — so I really try to avoid this!! SOMETIMES if an appt is right near my clinic (my cardiologist + some of the peds ortho offices for example are across the street) I can do it at 1pm and then move my 1 pm patients to lunchtime and dart over there between the AM/PM sessions.
That is frustrating! I would consider using some of my vacation time to take off one additional clinical day every other month, booked well in advance. And maybe also booking sick leave well in advance (if allowed) for things that can be planned for like check ups, cardiology, etc.
So my first thought is exploring the idea of an assistant for your creative work – not AI and not outsources, but maybe someone who is looking to get some experience in the creative/creator world. They could respond to basic email inquiries like “which episode did you discuss”, not the one looking for advice, etc. They could help with scheduling logistics of classes and speaking engagements, etc. And having it be one person, they would have an opportunity to become a part of your brand and create relationships with clients so it still feels authentic, but would allow you to spend time on bigger picture items. Maybe you could offer it as internship of sorts.
I really like this idea! One other potential use case is while you’re driving, you might be able to use voice to text to record some of the instructions and then have the assistant do things like responding to reader emails that you talked through and helping format that or writing out some of the ideas for Your various courses just by using your driving time to speak your thoughts and have them systematize it .
This idea came to me because I currently have a broken arm and I’m dictating pretty much most of my work just using iPhone functionality then getting a little bit of help or doing like formatting to get it to look better.
As you know, I did make the decision to reduce my patients schedule to two days per week this calendar year to have time to write my book. I really love this mix. My patient days are LONG. I see patients from 7 am to 5 and I still seeing about 30-40 patients per week. My practice set-up is different from yours. We are a small private practice and we get paid based on what we bring into the practice. Plus there is no hospital call. I totally get that in your set up two long days might not be possible, but I would say it has worked out better than I thought it would for me.
I counted zero whines or rants in this post. You did something that is doable but insanely difficult (become a doctor) and something that has a one in a million shot at coming off (building a successful podcasting/writing personal brand). I wouldn’t want to give either of those up! I also would be passionate about doing the personal touch stuff like answering emails and the PR for the book.
I don’t have the answer but if anyone needs me I will be getting up to speed on Gretchen Rubin because I want to get the story on leaving her law career. I only know her as an author.
She is a Yale Law grad and was clerk to Justice Sandra Day O’Connor (!!) – and then decided she didn’t love law and became a writer.
So cool! I have no idea as well!
One difference between you and GR is that she wasn’t a lawyer for nearly as long as you have been a physician–she left the law only a couple years after her clerkships (which we did right after law school). She probably realized early on that law wasn’t for her, and maybe easier to make such a big jump at that point!
yes, and I DON’T have feelings that my physician job isn’t “for me”. I really like it, for the most part!!!!
Just a reminder also that not everybody has the luxury of abandoning their very expensive degree to go and 100% pursue their passion. No shade on GR, just sharing the reminder I often give myself to keep my eyes on my own paper 🙂
this is true! and good to point out!
Hi Sarah, maybe think back on the days you worked full time in your clinical job, what did you do differently then? when did you fit all the life admin stuff? maybe plan some time off in advance each month and use it for life admin. Also it might be worth checking how much time each of your creative endeavours actually takes (time tracking is useful). Somehow I think you might have had busier periods in your life before you switched to 3 clinical days.
I am a professional who does not have a hybrid career. I do, however, have four mostly separate chunks of work in the area that I owned with completely different sets of stakeholders, systems, dependencies, etc. I feel about as behind as you do on your non-clinical work covering my area. My work covers both R&D discovering future possibilities as well as very operational stuff.
In a very gentle way, I would urge you to consider whether your historical clinical work excuse your expectations of how much everyone gets done out of all they need to do in non-clinical work. Clearly doing a subpar job in patient care or just abandoning some of the side projects that you don’t have time for months at a time is not an option.
But not getting many things done absolutely is normal for most jobs. Moreover, one of the primary roles of a manager is to help you choose what to prioritize and what to leave aside based on how much impact it has or has the potential to have. Otherwise, urgent needs from operational. Stakeholders will always win and not allowed you to build out systems and approaches that would solve their problems in a generalized way. It’s possible that you have to think about your non-clinical work is pretty much R&D With some operational components. It might be worthwhile to see if you could find some sort of career coach to take on a short term role of a manager. You would otherwise have to help you start figuring out how to decide to balance, shorter, medium, and long-term plans. You’re clearly successful at yourself since you’ve managed to write a book with all of this going on +3 kids and a busy life, but it could be easier to occasionally outsourced to get a second opinion .
Wow, voice to text is doing a very mediocre job right now sorry about that.
I agree it doesn’t sound whiney at all! I am curious as to how much bargaining power you have in your clinical role. I know your colleagues might not love this, but is there a way to buy yourself financially out of call weeks? If you take 4 vacations a year and 6 weeks of call, that’s basically a week every month but 2 where you’re going to have to play catch up after the fact. And an advantage of having a very busy but high earning spouse is that you probably don’t need the money as much as some of your colleagues. I bet you’d feel like you gained as much if not more time than if you went down to 2 clinical days per week. Also, do they give you back your 2 extra days that you work when you’re on call?
Other thoughts include the fact that it would probably be ok if you didn’t respond to every email, and if your business gets big enough you will probably get to a point where you won’t be able to (and I say this as someone who’s emailed you several times and very much appreciate the responses!!!). People understand.
I also know you love the pods but it sounds like they don’t generate as much revenue as in the past (from listening to recent mom hour episodes), so could consider dropping to every other week on one or both of those. Again, I’d personally be sad but people would definitely understand and still follow you! And then you might have more time for the courses and things that are maybe generating more? I really have no idea about any of this but just speculating.
Two thoughts:
For the hair and nails (even though I realize they aren’t that often): can those go on an evening or weekend, with A watching C and G or your nanny staying late? (Or a different babysitter if A is busy).
For the admin stuff that doesn’t get done on the weekends: I am totally stealing this idea from Laura Vanderkam, but maybe you could try to limit it to one hour a week, like a Gretchen Rubin power hour? (I remember LVK discussing this in terms of housework on the weekends.) I love this idea and I’m not great about implementing it myself, plus you seem like you are extremely efficient and get things done faster than I do, but maybe keeping this stuff in a contained time frame will help preserve the work time mindset and allow for deeper work and business planning.
I know these are just minor suggestions but sometimes every little bit helps!
Yeah, I totally get this. I have Wednesdays off, which is GREAT, but it’s astonishing how quickly they get filled with appointments and kid-related stuff. I think the problem- if you want to call it that- is that you’re trying to do two things really well (actually, three things if you include being a mom). The real solution would be to quit your clinical work altogether, but I can see why you wouldn’t want to do that. Would it be something you would consider in the future? You could kind of fantasize about what it would be like if you were able to do your creative work full time- can you envision it? Would you like it? Would it be worth giving up something else that you also like a lot? Anyway… until then there might be little fixes to make things more manageable (I see lots of suggestions in the comments above!)
I would definitely hire a virtual assistant or you could even find someone local. As someone stated above, they could handle listener questions that were simple to answer. Also if they come from a marketing background then can reach out about ads. For each task, I would ask yourself, can someone else do this for me. And, while I love daily blog posts, it isn’t necessary to post every day.
And, as another person asked, can you use sick leave/ personal leave on your clinic days to go to appointments and stuff? Also, as a teacher, I find it annoying that they don’t do virtual conferences. Can you schedule virtual conferences outside of those set days?
I will preface this to say I have absolutely no answers to your conundrum, but after reading this, I’d like to just commend you on how much you are doing! There simply isn’t enough time to do EVERYTHING, and you’re doing a lot. How did you accomplish those family admin items when you were 4-5 days in clinic? Back then, you just (not in a condescending way, more so in comparison) had your podcast for your creative work, and now you’ve added on a lot- a whole book, courses, a LIVE event, etc. It’s a lot and all of that takes time. With your creative work, yes there is probably more flexibility than your clinic work, but it’s still more than a full-time job. And if you were working FT in clinic, you’d probably take PTO to attend to those admin items – doctors appointments, kid conferences, etc So likewise, you’re taking PTO from yourself to attend those items during your creative time. And there honestly isn’t enough time. So definitely give yourself some grace – you’re doing a lot and accomplishing a lot! You’ve really expanded your creative work a lot than say, 5 years ago, and be proud of yourself! That’s amazing!! However, here are some suggestions that might be helpful:
– Not attending ALL kids’ doctors appointments –
– Don’t feel guilty if you need to take a PTO from your clinic days to address admin items
– Try to schedule appointments later in the day to allow you to stay focused in the morning
– Not sure if this works for your field, but I know some doctors who have shifted to PRN as a hospitalist and take up 6-8 shifts/month. They have mentioned to me that they want to ramp up later and move to private practice, but at the moment this is what works for them.
– Advice that I’ve received from YOU – certain seasons you lean in more to certain aspects of your life :), so maybe assess your life in the quintile system instead of looking at everything from a yearly perspective.
Holy shit you’re a busy woman.
I remember when I was in a similar position to yours with broken bones and kids and I asked if I could have a punch card so that the 10th cast was free….sigh sigh sigh.
My kids are older than yours and I’ve worked two jobs in a split similar to yours and all I can say is that this is the stage of life when it feels overwhelming. Keeping the nanny, outsourcing what you can, but also recognizing that a life that feels spiritually/intellectually full is also gonna feel full, maybe too full, in other ways. And then, it’s a cliche but true, one day it’s just…over and you aren’t driving anyone anywhere. Your life will turn over and look different each year, just as each quintile looks different for you.
Just following and here for your take and the comments- I’m a full time family (primary care) doc with. 2 and 4 year old and super busy husband and I feel like I’m triaging what’s actually going to get done every single day. My thought is that it’s because clinical medicine is just so entirely inflexible.. when I’m seeing patients there is no room for anything else, whereas I imagine in a lot of corporate jobs you can send a quick text or multitask a bit?
I hit post too fast! I was going to suggest maybe a sabbatical from clinical work? Is that possible?
No idea if this could work, but love the sabbatical idea for you Sarah!
Hi Sarah,
Not whiny AT ALL and I personally find it so interesting to hear someone else’s “thought process” around the normal crazy that is a working mom’s life. I would also say you are in the BUSY years with the kids too. Activities, almost 100% supervision, and transportation. Once they reach driving age, they or their friends generally get them where they need to go, plus the supervision gets a bit less…..though they will want to chat after 10pm….so there’s that – lol!!
It sounds like you are handling everything with aplomb. Pat yourself on the back! It also sounds like you are deciding what you WANT to keep handling – totally fair.
I love the idea of asking “Life. Is it working?” and then quickly realized this is a ridiculous time for me to be asking that question. I have several things that are making this season ridiculously hard, but they are all things that will obviously change or improve over the next year. I keep trying to figure out what I should do differently and then reminding myself that I just need to ride out this hard season and probably not make any drastic decisions for a minute. That being said, I do think everyone usually has something “unusual” or difficult going on in their life at any given time. Such is life, so in planning your life it’s good to be aware and build in margins etc. However, my hunch is that some of your recent events (serious health scare, multiple kids broken bones, and writing a book on top of it all) are just a crazy season that once you ride it out a bit life will get back to being more manageable. At least I’m hoping that’s true for me. 🤞
Clearly, you are doing a lot-and I think you like most of what you do. I think you are going to have to schedule a couple of random PTO days throughout the year. Those can be catch up or rest days. But don’t schedule anything, you will be able to fill them. Also, you probably need to schedule extra time off around your book launch. It seems like that could be a busy time,
Gosh, I am only juggling one job and a family and I have been feeling the exact same. There are just not enough hours in the day! Is there a way to slow the pace down/lower your expectations on your creative work for just a couple of years?
Some neighbors of ours with older kids said something to me that has stuck with me–once their eldest reached HS they basically had to schedule time with their own child! Kiddo was doing great and quite busy with school, friends and extracurriculars (as I imagine yours will be too). While my own kids are in elementary, HS feels so far away but…when I do the math its actually only like 5-7 years off. With that in mind I am trying to make embrace that this life era is just going to be crazy busy, but its also going to be very finite and I’ll miss it when life shifts again. I’m also trying to make career decisions with that in mind: If I want to, there will be plenty time to lean into more at work in the future. I don’t have to do it all right now, at once.
I’d gently question if this all really needs to fall on you. Can you batch the kids appts way head of time and can Josh take some of it? Ex: dentist is booked 6m in advance. Can he really not take 2 hours on a non-surgury day with that much advance notice to take them? Or are there appts for the kids that you are less passionate about that your nanny can take (ex: I care way more about medical appts and getting questions answered than at the dentist).
Alternately, although I know you don’t want to work in evenings or weekends, if that much personal life is bleeding into work time, what amount of work life are you ok bleeding into personal time? At my job I can flex my time instead of taking PTO. Sometimes I don’t have space that week so I burn the PTO, and sometimes I’ll work for a bit in the evening or another day to makeup time for a midday doctor’s appt (I need to work 40 hrs/week at my job).
I agree with this 2nd paragraph! I struggled with some of this mentally when I first started WFH and my job became more flexible than my inpatient job. Yes, I can take time off for appointments etc, but like Brooke, I typically then have to either take PTO or, what I usually try and do, is flex my hours. I can’t really just expect that I’m going to be off from 9-12 for appointments on a Tuesday and then keep the rest of my day exactly the same and get all my work done- somehow those hours have to be covered… so I may start early that day, or work late, or sometimes I’ll work on a Saturday, etc.
I wonder if you could try tracking your time a bit more closely on those WFH days and see like, ok, in a month, HOW MANY hours are you pulling from work time for personal time/kids/appts/etc? Since obviously there’s not “PTO” for that job, maybe it could help to realize you simply don’t actually have 16 hours per week (2 days x 8 hour work days) for your business- it’s really more like 1.25 days when all is said and done (or whatever). Maybe that would help when planning how much business work you can realistically take on in the amount of time you have. (Or, like Brooke said, maybe would help to see on paper just how much “personal” time is spilling into “work” time, and therefore you could feel better about swapping some work time back in at another personal time in the week, guilt-free.)
I’m going to go a little against the grain here… I don’t think there is any peace / progress / resolution to be found in managing your time better, in hiring an assistant or intern, in outsourcing, in redistributing jobs with Josh.
I truly suspect that the answer is actually to just… Do less. To do the bits that truly matter to you. To reprioritise. To reconsider. To disinvest in things. To triage what matters – and to be honest and courageous enough to genuinely cut stuff out. To resist the ‘sunk cost’ of hours invested, and even more so the lure of things that seem to be gathering momentum, winning attention or making more money… The almost irresistible temptation to ‘push on’…
And from the vibe of the post, and the context of it coming after your medical scare, I wonder whether this might be on your mind too?
As my grandmother used to say: “you’re a long time dead!”
Figure out what truly matters to you, what sparks joy, what gives you the warm and fuzzies on the inside. And ditch the rest. Don’t book a PTO to do life admin; book one to take your mum out for lunch…
“It’s easier to simply react; to choose to try to do everything, rather than make the difficult decisions and unchoose things — it takes more courage to do less… In a world of too much, ‘More’ no longer works as a strategy professionally or personally.”
From: Tony Crabbe, Busy: How to Thrive in a World of Too Much
Recommend jt as your next read x
I’m inclined to agree with this. It seems to me like you are trying to live 2-3 different lives / careers. The two jobs are in competition with one another rather than complementing one another, leading to that constant feeling of tension and being behind.
What would it be like to pick one? Not saying it wouldn’t be gut wrenching to say goodbye to your clinical work or your self-employment; of course it would be sad and hard and be a real loss. But what might you gain by spending your work life EITHER as a pediatric endocrinologist (full or part time) OR charting a path to a career helping others plan well? What are the pros and cons to each? What is your end goal here? What do you want your future to look like and feel like? Where are you placing your identity, and are those places reflective of your goals and your current reality?
all valid questions and ways of thinking about it. I WISH there was one side I wanted to let go, it would make this much easier.
I’ve been reading your blog for almost two years and especially love posts like this about planning, setting priorities, and the constant juggle. I don’t have advice, but I do know what it feels like to have so much on one’s plate with kids who still *need* us. I’m a full time teacher and have been in a post-master’s program this past year to earn my educational admin degree (to become a principal…someday, maybe!), and we have two kids, aged 6 and 8, one of whom we learned last fall has an autoimmune condition that impacts a lot of her life, our lives, and our time (for doctors appointments, meetings with the school, etc).
I am constantly trying to figure out the “best” way to go about the juggle, and feel like I am doing the best I can, and have had to adjust and readjust many times this past year. I often have to fit my grad school work in on weekends since I’m too tired after work, and often that looks like me writing papers while the kids have tv time, or my husband taking them out for a few hours so I can settle into a deep work session. I know it won’t be forever, and I don’t mind it! As someone who’s around people all week, some focused time to study and write papers (often with a good cup of coffee) honestly feels like me time at this point in my life. 🙂
I also want to share that Yoga With Adriene has been a lifesaver for me, especially the monthly calendar she posts on her website. I love highlighting the yoga sessions I get through each month, and it takes away decision fatigue over which workout I’ll do each day.
Hi Sarah! I was up in the middle of the night unable to sleep (unrelated!) but was thinking of this and for what it’s worth, I landed in a combination of what others have suggested which is:
1. Be brutal and reevaluate what you want to be doing.
2. Recognize that currently you’re putting 5.5-6 days worth of stuff on 5 calendar days (or rather, 2.5-3 days on your 2 creative days.)
3. Make the call on whether you want to cut down on what you do, creative work-wise, or, if not, accept that you need to reschedule some work into current non-work hours. Options include some of your morning hours—get back to rising at your running training time and banging out work then on creative days that have appointments; work on weekends. I won’t suggest nights because you’re spent then!
4. Or as others have suggested, maybe put half PTO days (one a month?) on your clinical schedule when you’re doing scheduling and use those half days for kids appointments. That way it’s not always creative work that suffers?
I truly believe this is something you can figure out, but not until you accept that right now you are setting your to do list as though you have two creative days a work each week when in reality you don’t. With everything else going on, I don’t know what the true work hours amount to—1.5 days a week? 1.25? 1??—but it’s the exception rather than the rule for you to have 2 uninterrupted days and accepting that is the first step to figuring out how you want to adjust either your expected output or the hours you can get those tasks done.
Not easy choices, but I suspect you’ll feel better if/when you accept the reality of how things are. Then you can take stock and decide what changes or trade-offs you’re willing to make.
Wow! You clearly hit a nerve with this post, didn’t you? So many beautiful responses above!
I work from home as a consultant, and found your post to be incredibly relatable. Fundamentally, I think the challenge you’re naming is about the nature of flexible work. You’re trying to juggle two meaningful careers (for you and Josh) in the context of a culture that expects families have at least one non-working spouse. Because you have flexibility, your unpaid labor naturally moves into the flexible time. And, if you were still full-time clinical, you would have to make significantly different choices for your household. For example, would we sign our kids up for a camp that ends at 3:00 if I weren’t working from home? Probably not. AND, that’s the gift of my flexibility – the kids can attend that camp, and I can get them at 3. I just have to recognize that limits my own work time.
FWIW, I think this is not about the amount of time you have for these creative endeavors, but it is about the mindset of flexible work. I don’t know that moving to 3 days / week of creative work would change how you feel right now – in fact, you might feel more frustrated that it doesn’t ‘all fit’ even with that time. I feel that way and I’m a consultant who can make my own hours!
I wish there were obvious solutions here! I think the times I’ve felt most successful are the times when I recognized that I have closer to 20 – 30 hours for work during a typical work week, rather than 40 – 50. And when I acknowledge these are tricky things – I love feeling productive, and too little work is demotivating in its own way!
Essentially, no solutions, just lots of appreciation for sharing your story!!!
I have a full time clinical job and a full time research job each labelled as 50%, but each of which takes 30-35 hours per week. Recently we have been short staffed so I have been working 75% clinical (so, 3-4 clinical days each week as opposed to 2-3) and I am taking on 30% more call than any of the other full time faculty (15 calls so far this year woohoo) because my “easy” schedule more readily permits this abuse than the schedules of the other full time faculty. I’ve also been told that I need to apply for R01 grants every cycle this coming year, publish as many papers as I did last year (9) and continue to apply for/accept (if offered) speaking gigs. Honestly, this is absurd. YES it has been keeping me (literally) awake at night, and yes I am beginning the process of looking for another job. Anyway.
In the meantime, I am just trying to put one foot in front of the other and get done what I can with as little agita as possible (ha). Bottom line: you’re most likely going to have to prioritize what is most important and cut out other stuff. I cut out going to parent-teacher conferences and drs appts for my child loooooong ago and guess what: my husband gets props for doing it at all, while I just got to deal with bitchy women. If you don’t want to do that, I guess that’s your choice.
The other thing you can do is be less reliable. As a ridiculously reliable person who is routinely taken advantage of because of that, I know how hard that can be, but it might help you let go of somethings that are more optional than they seem.
Anyway, solidarity. Just wait til your parents need your help. It’s only going to get worse. 🙂
Oh yeah — if there’s a man in your practice, make him do the baby shower gift. You’ve been suckered into taking on gendered extra-work that does not in any way benefit you and that I would personally find soul-sucking. Unless you enjoy this sort of thing, stop accepting these assignments immediately.
there is no man!!!!!! (well sort of but he’s in an office 1.5 hrs away with another female dr and neither of them were part of the shower) 🙂 But you’re right I’ve been trying not to volunteer for that kind of thing but we got down to the wire and I felt so bad that we might not have a gift in time that I did it . . .and that just means everyone will assume I’m always going to do it
While I totally understand your impulse (and desire to do something nice for your colleague), your officemates totally played chicken with you and each other, and you lost. 😉
Isn’t there an admin who could do it? You could also buy her a shower gift by yourself, which is easier than orchestrating an office one if you want to. If it helps, I give you full permission to ignore all future work related emails about related subjects and absolve you of responsibility. 🙂
I totally lost!!!! you’re right!
PS: as for the rest of your comment I absolutely think a job search sounds like it makes sense at this point and am glad you are thinking about it. I really hope you can find a better situation! The current one sounds really really hard.
Great ideas shared! The point of all of this is to build a life you love- relationships, professional contributions, personal fulfillment and progress and rest and peace are all important. Some people love a full life with very little to no margin. Some people like a less full life with more margin. I don’t think there’s a right or a wrong answer here, only you can decide. But almost no one likes a life that is bursting at the seams. It’s hard to juggle and easy to lose sight of why we’re doing all of this. I’m a believer in celebrating constraints. Belongings, ideas, interests they’re all like gases and expand to whatever space we give them. Yet we all have limits- in terms of our energy, mental and emotional capacity and hours in a day. Perhaps your can think of all of these things: work, relationships, personal endeavors as gas you’re trying to cram into too small a space. I don’t think your problem is increase your capacity or tolerance for low margins. You’re clearly very good at being productive and juggling. The question is do you want to keep doing that? Only you can decide. Wishing you the very very best as I’m someone whose benefited from your work!
I am here to say that this is all relatable. I tire of reading about work/life from people with totally flexible schedules. FWIW, the stories from the woman in the arena matter a great deal to many of us.
I am also here to send a hug and let you know you are doing great! Not sure if it would help to structure it like this but I was thinking if this was me, I might TRY to play around with my schedule in a way that keeps my 3 work days but shuffles around my two other week days as the season requires. Could be like this.:
M- Drop zone day or Sarah does what Sarah wants and needs to do.
T- Clinical
W- Best Laid Plans/ All the planner business stuff.
Th – Clinical day,
F- Clinical day
S- Am only- Back up slot.
Like Laura says if we have a back up slot ready most weeks we can be more calm. This back up slot, could be more Planner fun endeavors because Monday required haircuts for all.
Now this schedule assumes that every interview person is available on Wednesdays which is very unlikely but you could play around with rotating this. Like alternating M/W for BLP and actual personal days. You might find you need 4 Sarah days a month some months and others you can do 6 BLP days.
I know you will do great things no matter how you do it!
You are doing a lot! I think you need a podcast co-host for BLP- it seems like the podcast takes up a lot of time and might prevent you from developing other creative work that doesn’t involve a continuous long-term drain on your time. Could even be a temporary guest host for a few months or something. Also, I’m guessing you have too many patients after 10-15 years? of practice to comfortably work truly part time with time off for appointments etc. Something I’ve noticed with my colleagues- it’s hard to go from full time to part time without being super busy on days you are there. Is there some clinical work you could outsource to an RN or transfer to a colleague? Could Josh do more kid appointments? Or even your nanny?
I heard about this app from Jeanelle Teves, a corporate executive and mom in NYC: https://gamma.app. It’s an AI-powered software that can turn your notes, workbooks, etc., into PowerPoint slides, design and all.
I’ve played around with it a bit and have used it to give me a good template for work presentations. We have very specific branding requirements at work that require me to use a custom Google Slides template created by our design team, so I don’t use the Gamma designs, but it’s a really great way to get rough notes into slide-ready content in minutes. I then just edit it as needed.
I actually experimented with a different AI resource to do this (take a document that had a detailed outline for a slide presentation and turn it into slides) and couldn’t STAND what it created so I am a little bit leery but maybe this one is better! A ended up helping me make my slides look pretty!