DEATH is apparently the theme today,
. . . because I’m reading Die With Zero, I just exchanged an email with Jodi Wellman (author of You Only Die Once, one of my favorite books on the subject), and I downloaded this app recommended in Die With Zero that illustrates the time you have left, complete with iPhone home screen widgets. My current fiction pick is a little dark and death-adjacent too. Kae also recently posted thoughts on this.
I do think it’s useful to think about. Bill Perkins argues fairly effectively that many people wait too long to have their ‘dream experiences’ only to find out they no longer have the health or stamina to enjoy them. In fact, I already have one such (tiny) regret — I had wanted to run Big Sur marathon and just enjoy it for its sheer beauty, and now I never will. And that is not a sob story because i have MANY other wonderful things I have gotten to do (and hopefully will do!), but it’s just a tiny reminder that none of this time on earth can be counted on, taken for granted, etc.
And so, today I signed up for a monthly massage membership.
Okay yeah, that probably wasn’t the direction you thought this post was going, but Young 20-Something SHU always imagined that getting a MONTHLY MASSAGE would be something that was entirely out of reach and would remain so for decades if not in perpetuity. It turns that that when you’re not spending all of your fun money on supershoes and custom training plans, you can fit in BOTH pilates and a monthly massage membership. I went to the local Massage Envy to try out and was honestly very impressed by my experience and the fact that my therapist had been there for a really long time. It’s also 5 minutes from my house (and a 30 second walk from Pilates, in case I ever wanted to create a really indulgent morning for myself).
YOLO. I might not even LIKE massages when I’m 80 — too fragile or something. Excited to be doing this now. I am sure there are other bigger life changes I could make as a result of my deep reflection but this felt like enough for today.
Using Things Up
Gretchen Rubin talked about an epiphany she had on her podcast this week – she feels almost a compulsion to use things up. This applies in her case to things like access to The Met, Central Park, and her (new) summer home. This is so interesting to me! I love when she identifies seemingly minor behaviors that showcase bigger differences in human tendency.
My personal tendency on this one is that I do not feel this “use it up” pressure AT ALL. I guess I’ve embraced the reality that if you’re using A, you’re not using B. EVERYTHING has opportunity cost, from The Met to Disney World — even minutes spent getting a fantastic massage.
If I’m at Disney from rope drop to close, I’m sacrificing rest. (And as such, we are not Disney-for-14-hours-people, even though it means we are not ‘using up’ our tickets.)
If I’m at the Met, I’m not at other museums. (Or awesome New York stationery stores!)
If I’m watching movie A, I’m not watching movie B. (Think about the Using Up as applied to Netflix – you couldn’t use that up no matter WHAT you did.)
For me, the logical stance feels like approaching both time (and money) with intention. You are making an intentional choice between the 10th Disney ride and rest, or a message and super shoes, or Hobonichi and Erin Condren. This is not always so straightforward as one could waste a LOT of time spinning your wheels trying to make perfect choices, but I guess be aware that’s a choice too!!!
(And also, I do think going with your gut is often the best option. I am a fast chooser when it comes to most things, personally.)
PS: Apparently my Hobonichi has been taken captive by customs for “fish and wildlife review”. Luckily 2026 is still quite a ways away. One Planning By Season member postulated that it might be because there are pictures of wheat on the cover!? (I wonder if the description in Japanese includes wheat or something and maybe that got it flagged!?!?!?)
When I asked how long it would take to resolve, the FedEx representative said: “We have no way of knowing, but there are delays.” Hopefully that does not mean 2027.
13 Comments
I am definitely not a use it up person! In fact I love my Met membership that my dad gets me every year for Christmas because I can choose to spend just an hour in the museum sometimes–sort of purposely not use it up. The only place in life I want to use it up is when it comes to something in a bottle. That little bit in the bottom of the shampoo or retinol container makes me crazy! I am sure that says something strange about me. Hah!
I recently read Die with Nothing and found it interesting. I like his concept of money, time and health and how to balance across your lifetime and optimize for different things at different stages vs holding off on everything until retirement. My one issue was in late life when you are 85+ and in a healthcare setting prolonging your life for $50k/week, it’s not as easy as saying, this financial equation doesn’t work, so bye. There are times it’s not as clear cut as DNR or discontinuing care so wish he would’ve addressed that more. But still good things to think about to focus on experiences you want to prioritize. Love your monthly massages!
I love to use things up!
You also had me at massage membership. That is the DREAM, Sarah!
I’m in a stage of life where mortality has become front-of-mind. I’m old enough that I’m watching my parents age, realizing that while they’re in relatively good health, that could change on a dime. The thought of losing them is horrific, and yet I know the hourglass is draining fast. Gah.
I’m also at the point where I’ve had two close friends become widows (both incredibly fast deaths, both due to cancer), and I’ve watched two families grieve the loss of children my own children knew well. Life can literally change in an instant, as you know, so I think it’s a great reminder to ask ourselves what, exactly, we’re waiting for! Hooray for booking the massages!
I approach decision making much more like you do, with opportunity cost as the core focus. I think that method works well! I like understanding the cost/benefit of each choice and feel like it helps me be efficient in my time management/money management/etc. I also have an innate tendency to often think I made the right choice, too, which is funny to me but helpful because I don’t spend a lot of time looking back thinking “oh I wish I would have chosen XYZ.”
I love these kind of conversations that have us examine aspects or methods of life. And I’m very happy for you and your monthly massages; that sounds like a dream!!
I am also reading Die With Zero, and I resonate with many of the same principles as you do. Another concept (similar) is the .01% “rule”, which I heard described recently on a Wall Street Journal podcast. It is based on the conservative assumption that, in general, retirement savings grows at an average rate of about 4% per year (often more). The idea is that if you are on pondering a somewhat ordinary decision (regardless of age, the same applies to retirees) about “should I spend X on this thing that I want, but don’t necessarily need” consider whether the cost is within the .01% of your net worth. For example, the question might be whether you should spend $ to upgrade a long flight from a regular economy seat to a premium economy seat because you feel that the extra legroom and other perks might be worth it. If you do the math and the added cost is less than .01% of your net worth, then you can “afford” this seemingly unnecessary purchase so you should not feel guilty for taking advantage of what you might consider a minor indulgence. The cost of your monthly massages is likely within the .01% rule boundary. Just another thought. P.S. I love your blog. Longtime reader, also a regular listener of Best of Both Worlds.
I think about this kind off thing too. My mother, and my sister’s MIL, both died in their 60s, which has invited me to cultivate a mindset that doesn’t want to put things off where I don’t need to — without necessarily feeling a sense of do-it-now! urgency. It’s a tough balance! You make such a good point about not putting off life-dream experiences until we are too old to fully enjoy them. It’s all good food for thought, so thank you for introducing this topic this morning! I think I’m going to spend some time pondering what those life-dream experiences are.
Yes, I listened to Happier and that is an interesting concept- i’m not a “use it up” person. I’ve also heard Bill Perkins discussing his book on a podcast (can’t remember which one.) I still haven’t read Die With Zero, and I want to- I’m pretty sure I would like it.
i know LOTS of people who still enjoy massage in their 80s! Some of them like deep pressure too, which always surprises me. So you probably have many, many years of massages ahead of you : )
I love to use things up and get weird satisfaction from throwing empty containers/bottle out/recycling.
No museum memberships here. No memberships here at all, in fact.
I am more than on track for retirement, and am at peace that if I won’t use up all of the retirement savings, my kids will get them. I’m fine with leaving my kids a little cushion- I came to this country with absolutely nothing just a plane ticket that my parents paid for.And that is the legacy they gave me- a plane ticket to a better future. Everything else was up to me. But wouldn’t have minded a little financial cushion that my kids may receive.
The “dream experiences” dynamic has been fascinating to watch in my family because my mother is definitely the type to put off dreams, save and cover all of her responsibilities, and as a result will not be able to do many of the things we had talked about when I was growing up. She doesn’t seem very upset about it, but it makes me sad that she won’t take that trip to Paris that she talked about. My aunt, her only sibling, is the complete opposite and has done things like quit her job to go hiking in Nepal, but has also had times when money is tight and other choices are limited because of those experiences. Watching them both judge each other has made me want to find a middle ground between the two extremes.
I found Die With Zero so thought-provoking! Now might be a good time to revisit it as we weigh Spring Break plans with the fact that my kid got herself tangled in a seat belt so badly we had to cut it off her and now replacing it will cost us NINE HUNDRED AMERICAN DOLLARS. Oh well, safety first, I guess. But also I really want to go on a Disney Cruise, so how big does that emergency fund really need to be?
I also thought the “use it up” was an interesting idea. I definitely lean towards being a completionist, but that same compulsion doesn’t extend to experiences (take a break at Disney!). I could understand her compulsion to “use up” the Met but don’t really experience that myself.
Oh man – that is a lot (but a necessary purchase!). I hope you can make the Disney cruise work!! We’ve done two and I have great memories from both.
I’m a little scared that once we start taking Disney cruises we won’t be able to stop! They go so many cool places!
i read that book last year and really like it. It makes my vacation decisions even easier!