Parties!
G’s party went well! It wasn’t too big (11 kids I think) and I think they had fun.
ALL THAT and I also somehow watched 5 episodes of Dance Moms: New Era (S2). And I finished recording (and submitted) my last podcast ep due in 2025!!
Less Festive . . .
(Note: my weekend notes obviously are nothing in the grand scheme of things, as there were more incredibly tragic events in the news this weekend. I am so sad these things keep happening and my heart goes out to anyone impacted.)
- My eye started hurting me on Saturday afternoon — it felt like every time I looked into the light, I got a little jolt of pain. By the morning I couldn’t even look at my phone and was stumbling around the house in sunglasses, plus my eye was getting red (no obvious conjunctivitis though – I guess thank goodness for that!). I ended up up going to urgent care and the doctor (who was super nice) said she didn’t see an obvious abrasion. I got some antibiotic drops and some moisture drops but if things are still bad tomorrow I will definitely go to an eye doctor. Thankfully I can still see and the light issue has improved (otherwise I couldn’t type this!) but things are def not normal. i am not wearing my contact lens right now (just . . . airing out my eye?) but honestly it kind of feels better when I do . . .
- I saw a negative review that bummed me out, mostly because it centered around the idea that my advice was worthless because I work part time. I do have a part time (65%) clinical role, but I also have a part time non-clinical business so . . . I guess I don’t really categorize myself as part-time, but maybe that wasn’t clear in the book. Anyway, I know you can’t get your work out there and not expect to see some negativity. I’m just not used to it yet. But publishing a book means getting negative reviews, hard stop! It’s my job to figure out how to handle all of that well! (MAYBE a goal to add on for 2026 . . .)
- As a result of The Eye, I have not gotten much done and I reallllllly kind of need to, since I’m on call all week and then we LEAVE! (I am so, so ready though!)
All right – onward. Call Week x Book Release Week – the mashup no one asked for, but it’s going to be okay!
21 Comments
Your dress is so cute! It doesn’t seem overly dressy to me so maybe some were underdressed!
Well you know what I think about reading reviews. I think the pros and cons are asymmetrical – the bad reviews (hopefully there will be very few) will make you feel way worse about yourself compared to how much better the good reviews will make you feel. I think you should let someone screen them and send the positive and then maybe summarize the feedback in case you write another book. I think that is what Annie Jones did – she’s a bookstore owner in GA and she had her editor or agent screen the reviews and only pass along helpful feedback. The book is out there and can’t really be changed so I think it’s less helpful to read negative reviews. Plus people are terribly ruthless in their reviews!
It makes me think of what Gretchen Rubin says about negative reviews: “A strong voice repels as well as attracts.” I’m definitely looking forward to my copy coming in the mail!
I am stay at home parent and I find your strategies and outlooks very helpful. I also love hearing your goals and what you share is largely personal – so from a not working outside the home perspective, I still really appreciate your perspective and see how it can be applied by anyone.
I would say…that particular review is based on a misunderstanding, so there’s nothing it is accurately criticizing. One of my former bosses would say “Feedback is like a Christmas sweater. If you try it on and it doesn’t fit, you don’t have to wear it.” Which is easier said than done, but I have gotten a little better at just setting aside feedback that doesn’t quite make sense.
Also, just to say, it has been SO inspiring to me that you have this part-time + part-time career! I always dreamed of having a creative career track in addition to my science research career…haven’t figured out how to do it quite yet (and especially right now–I was laid off months ago and haven’t landed anything), but I’ll keep dreaming with you as inspiration!
I would not sweat that review. We all have different lives from each other and basically no self help book is going to represent a complete replica of one’s own life. It’s up to us what to take from that perspective. You know how we all roll our eyes at Cal Newport bc he is a man with a wife who does a lot of the domestic stuff? I don’t see this as fundamentally different.
That dress is hot.
Primary care doc- would not expect conjunctivitis to give you photophobia. Just think about ruling out uveitis if your symptoms persist! Unilateral painful red eye always makes me think twice.
Thank you Alyssa! I hope not –
I still have the photophobia but it’s not as bad as it was so hoping it is just the cornea! Def will see eye dr tomorrow if it’s not continuing to improve.
Awhile back, as I was beginning to more writing someone shared with me Glennon Doyle’s “sort the mail” strategy for dealing with criticism. Whether that is the right framework for you or not, I think giving some thought to how you want to respond (or not respond) to criticism before you receive it is important. I also think the Playing Big idea that other people’s thoughts on you and your work are more about them than they are about you is a helpful reminder. That doesn’t mean the feedback isn NEVER valid, it just means you have to think about whose feedback you value.
Here’s to a smooth call/book launch week!
Sounds like the flare I had before getting diagnosed with dry eye disease…if you do go into an eye doctor, make sure they look at that!
Re negative feedback: it feels bad to be misunderstood. You have put out your voice and truth, and being misunderstood is a potential side effect of that choice. But there are likely many more people who will be positively impacted! “Risk vs reward” says, you’re winning.
My eyes do feel kind of dry all the sudden so I think I will get checked out today – thank you Sarah! Thankfully the photophobia issue is MUCH MUCH better. Whew!
I hope you don’t mind me saying this as we don’t know each other that well but…don’t read reviews? I know, I know. But every author I have heard speak has said that they learn the hard way to not read reviews. When Inhale Exhale comes out I am going to (TRY) to not read any reviews, good or bad, because I think we forget 99 good reviews for the one bad one. I mean, fuck that person, they don’t know your life. And goodreads particularly is a cesspool of meanness. Sometimes I will use it to look something up, plot wise, and will see someone like, say, Ann Patchett get a one-star review. Catherine Newman said on an interview that one reviewer simply said “Plotless and grinding” about one of her books. What do you even do with that shit? And your book is nonfiction which means people can get all up in your personal business of your own life!
What am I trying to say here, I don’t know, it’s only 4:38 am and I’m still on my first cup of coffee. So if this doesn’t make sense, sorry! But there’s always going to be shitty reviews, no matter who you are (ANN PATCHETT!!! IMAGINE!)
Hope your eye is better, and also you’re rocking the dress. Better overdressed than under IMO.
Ha! I wonder if Ann Patchett gives them a second thought 🙂 As someone that is definitely not at Ann’s level, I think there probably is some constructive stuff to be gleaned but maybe it’s better to have someone else look at them and share themes vs read them outright. Thank you for your thoughts (and I can’t wait for Inhale Exhale!)
Everything Nicole said.
It’s hard to be misunderstood or to have something you put out into the world challenged or criticized. I don’t know if I’d be able to resist reading reviews but I would also know it was a horrible idea for my mental health. So hard!
Maybe have someone else vet reviews for you and pass along ones that are helpful (even if they perhaps make constructive suggestions)?
Ha I’ve been watching the new Dance Moms too! My husband works with Leilah’s mom so it’s been fun to watch since we know them. But the show is definitely a bit whiny.
Hope your eye feels better!
That is amazing! I think she is by far the nicest and most sane mom on the show!!!!
Completely agree!!
Ugh! The reason for the negative review annoys me! Society can’t help but slap labels and judge people based on that label. Working mom, stay at home mom, part time working mom, working woman with no kids, woman with no kids who is also not working, the combinations are endless. I hate the labels because it divides us and strips us of some humanity. I recently started working part time after taking an 8 year career break and also have a creative side hustle. Wherever you find yourself, I think it’s easy to assume that other people have it “easier” and we use labels as a way to compare and judge when in reality there are SO many factors at play, it’s totally impossible to say who has it “easier”. Does the fact that someone’s circumstances are different from yours negate their experience and expertise? I have learned a TON from people who have different circumstances than my own and I appreciate that!
Oof… it’s really hard. I have taught hundreds of students and some of the mean reviews are inscribed on my soul. I now use ChatGPT to summarise them – removing anything really mean and unhelpful (someone didn’t like my laugh or my California accent). Everyone says I just need to harden myself to it but I don’t want something cruel to haunt me forever.
Oh that’s actually a really good idea – maybe I’ll do that!! It’s honestly pretty rare that a use case for AI appeals to me but I don’t know which human I’d want to assign this job…
I’m so sorry about the negative review. It sounds like it was for a ridiculous reason but I’m sure it is hard to stomach, even if it is an inevitable part of the process. I was just coming on here to say that I just saw my book is out for delivery (on Monday evening) and I’m so excited to have it in my hands! What an accomplishment and I’m so excited for you!!!
I wouldn’t base your value on a review. In teaching we are rated by a number scale (eye roll) and it’s a joke to pin my whole professional career on a number (it goes from 1-2-3-4, with 4 being the highest). I never chase 4s, because that is an exhausting place to be and I am not going to let those numbers suck the joy out of teaching. I love what I do, I am good at it, my students respect me, everything else is irrelevant.