There is so much to be furious about . . .
If you look for it. I emptied 2 pages of pure rage into my morning pages today (yes, I am still doing this – pretty consistent stream-of-conscious writing daily for about 4 months now; it takes about 15-20 minutes).
And then I literally YELLED back at my car’s dashboard this morning while listening to Up First. I also felt a lot of rage about other things (and 100% of them involved me being mad about things I literally have no control over, whether it’s the actions of others or a big fire burning in the middle of the forest nearby; it smells like a campfire outside today).
But I have since decided this is really not how I want to go about my day.
It accomplishes nothing.
It feels . . . not great (maybe there’s initially a LITTLE cathartic thrill at screaming into the void, but that fizzles quickly).
It is distracting as all get-out.
It is, at least for me, the opposite of presence. My mind is just everywhere except on what I am actually doing or experience, or the task at hand. I can’t work well, I can’t rest well, I can’t connect well. And all of those useless thoughts are directed at things entirely not in my control.
Honestly, the BEST antidote for me (which I also hinted at yesterday) is doing something else. Focus on what I CAN do, what I CAN experience, and the decisions I CAN make. And doing it all the way. That something else might be:
- prepping for a meeting
- talking to Josh or the kids
- writing a post
- texting a friend
- taking a walk
- doing a strength workout
- driving the kids to school
- planning something I want to do for the future
- etc etc etc
But the key is like, REALLY working on focusing on whatever the thing is. It’s not always easy for me but the ‘meta’ of reminding myself to do it helps. Writing out the goals of my day (and checking them off as I do them!) absolutely helps.
There is peace (and progress, and so much more love and life satisfaction) in immersing oneself in the present. Anyway, just sharing in case anyone else needs to hear this today.
Back tomorrow with a far more superficial fitness-type update.
Oh! And just in case anyone was wondering, my echo was fine! (Just to clarify, my echo was also fine 1 year ago; as is commonly the case in what I have, all of the issues with my heart were not visible on echo but rather only on MRI + CT, plus EKG/rhythm stuff. So it’s not like I can say “I’m fixed” or anything but one can confidently conclude there has been no progression significant enough to see on echo which is great.)
4 Comments
This is spot-on and so important. Acknowledge the feelings, no matter what they are or how justified or how irrational — but don’t put them in the driver’s seat.
Another way to say it is that living well is the best revenge! Or putting on your own oxygen mask first or something like that. Wait wait wait…I’ve got it: when life is unbloggable, focus on the bloggables!
Yes, it’s so hard to strike a balance. On the one hand, we WANT to care about everything going on in the world. But if we care a little too much… it becomes overwhelming. If we don’t care at all, it feels selfish.
Have you read any Eckhardt Tolle? I think it would be right up your alley. His writing can feel a little esoteric at times, but if you can get into it, you would love it. I would start with The Power of Now. Presence is key!!! Such an easy concept to understand intellectually, but so hard to put into practice.
Anyway- glad the echo was fine, and looking forward to the fitness update!
It’s not selfish to focus your energy and attention on things that you can personally do to make the world a better place rather than on all the things that you cannot fix. It doesn’t even have to be *all* the things you *could* do — it’s ok to pick and choose.
The longer I live the more I realize I don’t want to know what’s going on in other people’s heads. I also think… focusing on what others might think or feel about your personal priorities can be highly counterproductive and destructive.