We had a lovely Memorial Day (the vegan strawberry shortcake was a hit) with Josh’s dad plus sister + fam. And then I guess I had a . . . comedown of sorts.
I feel like May ALWAYS does this to me. It looks soooo good on paper! So many celebrations, and often a trip to look forward to since Josh and I often go away together around our anniversary.
And then somehow it’s all too much and I end up feeling kind of empty and sad. It was the kind of day yesterday that made me want to more proactively deal with my PMDD (I’m ready to try some more things). But I also wonder if it’s just a natural reaction to a ton of action: an equal and opposite mood reaction?
It’s a weird time. I’m still processing our family’s loss and even though of course it is even harder for Josh and his immediate family, it’s still impactful. Family gatherings are still wonderful (and to be cherished) and they are also tinged with sadness.
I also . . . decided to totally abandon any thought of following the Emma Montgomery Shred macros. They were super restrictive and made me sad (plus were totally unsustainable and I think just . . . not necessary for my goals). I am still doing the workouts though, which I do like (and plan to transition to her regular Empowered workout plan for a bit after these are done with).
I am making another attempt at time tracking and focusing on staying busy AND ALSO getting enough sleep. Let’s just say that going to the Weird Al concert on Tuesday night WAS NOT what I was in the mood for. But Josh really did love it (we went for him; there have definitely been concerts in the past that were more for me!).
Even in my #mood I managed to laugh at some of this concert and I have to admit Amish Paradise is still pretty hilarious.
14 Comments
Grief is hard and it lasts a long time. It’s hits you at unexpected moments. Give yourself grace. Hugs!
I’m really glad you quit the Shred (macros). Not necessary, too restrictive, and not what you need right now (or ever)! I think you might enjoy the change up of getting in the gym a little bit though this summer!
Sarah, programs like that are designed to make you feel bad about yourself. That’s how they keep you subscribing. Really, WHY?? I am so glad you decided to drop it.
Out of curiosity, why the drive to stay busy all the time? Sometimes it’s nice not to do anything, the only problem I have with not being busy is that that’s when bad thoughts about myself happen. If I am busy enough I don’t have time to dwell on those thoughts… but wondering whether maybe fixing the thoughts is a better / more healthy / more sustainable approach. Just a thought…
Sleep is literally the best thing ever. Thankfully you likely have a few years before perimenopause wreaks havoc on that for you. Enjoy while you still can! 😉
Yeah – def when I have mood stuff being busy masks it. Agree it’s not the best but seems like the right band aid for while I figure other stuff out!
Sleep really does make everything better. My 9 PM bedtime last night helped A LOT.
I’m glad you ditched the super restrictive macro program. You look amazing and do not need to rein things in!
I have felt a general sense of low key malaise this spring and kind of a sense of going through the motions. I think much of it is the aftermath of my accident last fall and how it’s sort of shifted my priorities/made me rethink what is most important. And then I have the upcoming deposition kind of hanging over me. Work travel in particular has been rough. I’m kind of leaning into the melancholy and listening to a lot of Noah Kahan while staring off into space during flights. I snap out of it when I get home and see the kids so it manageable but this spring has not been my favorite.
OMG i totally listened to Noah Kahan on my way to work today!! solidarity and thinking of you. shifts can be HARD.
Sending you hugs, Lisa. I really do hope completing the deposition feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.
Thank you! It’s scheduled for late June and I just hope and pray it happens on that date so I can kind of put it all behind me and let the lawyers do their thing! I hate how much it has impacted me but it turns out being set on fire has mental health ramification. 🙁
I’ve been listening to him too and crying in the car. We need a collective playlist.
Also the weight of an upcoming court thing is heavier than people tell you it will be. The relief when it is over feels almost physically weight off.
Thanks for sharing this Sarah. I know I’m only newish to your blog but I appreciate the honesty. After your last post I felt myself slightly backing away thinking about how hard my life is right now (a relative just died) and all the other things, thinking your travels all sound very distant to me right now. (I am thankful for all the incredible travel I’ve done but this is just a hard season right now.) My point being, thank you for saying the truth of what life is like – it’s both and, not “or”.
I’m thankful for your honesty and these feeling too shall pass.
YES to both and. And I 100% get that feeling. I’m so sorry for your loss. It’s really hard to lose someone you love. Thinking of you <3
Thank you! Grief is hard.
Yes, you did just have a death in the family. When my mom died, I would be going along just “fine” and then suddenly get really sad. Hmm, why am I so sad? oh yeah, my mom died three months ago!!! It really does take a while to get back on your feet. PLUS, you just had a really nice trip with Josh, and there’s probably some letdown from that. I don’t know- every time we feel sad there’s always a scramble to figure out why. Maybe it’s just simply hormones.
Glad you abandoned the Shred macros. Not worth it at all if it was making you sad! Honestly it seems like you eat really well to begin with. I’m curious to hear more about these workouts. I guess I should just look it up!
Grief comes in waves and sometimes certain seasons can bring up feelings of nostalgia/melancholy in me… out of nowhere, even though on paper things look good. So, I get it.