I guess a certain amount of psychic unrest is natural right now.
I honestly think the answer is to just focus more on what I’m doing. Make the phone call. Talk to the person. Read the book. Take the walk. Etc. It absolutely works, when I can do it.
But also: I have to admit I had been stuck in a loop of travel uncertainty and it was getting to be really distracting. Almost like I was looking for some magic answer that would make me feel okay — or even great! — about our current situation. But after a LOOOOTTTT of searching for various vacation options, I am pretty sure that booking another trip right now is NOT the answer.
In fact, after much reflection I think we’re going to move the one bigger trip we do have coming up! (I know.)
First, I was frantically trying to wedge a Europe trip into (April) spring break so that we would have something to look forward to. But then A decided she might compete another year in gymnastics (she was considering stopping, but is now thinking she’ll do a lot of dance AND gym next year) and the state meet is (of course!) during that April spring break week.
So then, I went to her room and we hatched all of these wild plans taking us to Europe in February, but nothing sat quite right. And then A suggested that maybe we should move our Big Sky trip (currently crammed in awkwardly around New Years’) to February, giving Josh more time to recover. And I thought: that sounds pretty smart, and ALSO we could then book something Caribbean and fabulous for New Years’!
. . . AND THEN I saw what pricing looks like over New Years’ in the Caribbean (think 3-4x normal rates, it is I N S A N E) and gave up on that idea too. I also realized that we live in FL (duh) and I mean . . . we don’t really need to go very far to feel warm in January most of the time. We would probably be just as happy (OR HAPPIER) relaxing here after our tough week of call (both of us).
So now we’re left with:
- Moving Big Sky to Feb (it honestly fits better, plus more recovery time for Josh, and probably better show)
- Really no other big family trips other than that and then Hawaii (OBVIOUSLY) in summer 2027.
And you know what, that’s probably enough trips, especially since I plan to make both of them fabulous. Don’t get me wrong – we have other shorter ventures mixed in too (solo and as a couple, plus I need to get to PHL. Oh and my 25th college reunion in June!). But when it comes to Epic Family Adventures, that sounds like a very healthy amount.
(AND I STILL WANT TO EVENTUALLY DO THE ITALY / SWITZERLAND COMBO OF MY DREAMS. Earmarked for Summer 2028, and now our friends want to meet us in Switzerland so that would be fun!)
What do you do when you have psychic unrest?
A run would be amaaazing but unfortunately not an option.
21 Comments
Oh geez, what I do with psychic unrest is spiral endlessly until something happens to snap me out of it, which is NOT a recommendation, lol. Probably the best thing for me is to just make a decision and then move forward with that. Even an imperfect decision feels better than spinning my wheels.
Your plan to move Big Sky to February sounds very smart, for all the reasons. My family had been talking a bit about trying to do Big Sky in 2027, but for a lot of reasons I don’t think it’s going to work out, and I feel surprisingly okay about it. Will definitely enjoy living vicariously through you though!
awww maybe SOMEDAY we will end up there at the same time . It would be epic!!!
I never travel over Xmas break for the reason you mention ($$$$) and being as you’re in Florida I can definitely see the Caribbean not really being in the cards. I agree Big Sky in Feb could be great particularly if Josh is doing better in Feb than in Dec. Seems to me the only downside could be if you just really feel “ready” for a trip since by then it will have been so long since you took a big family trip! So doing it two months earlier could feel nice. But probably not nice enough to outweigh the other advantages of Feb. The good thing is, whenever you do that trip it will feel really nice because it seems like Big Sky is a “happy place” for your family.
Yeah we’ve LOVED our Christmas-in-Montana (done it 3x now, plus went once in March). And I agree we’d probably be mentally ready but both of us working Christmas week is a bit new and I actually think I might be more like . . dead at the end of that! (Also we were going one less day AND coming home late Sunday night with the kids going to school Monday so . . . I feel at peace with moving it!)
I really feel what you’re going through. Last fall my husband ended up in in-patient rehab for 5 weeks after what was supposed to be outpatient surgery. The rehab center was 40 minutes from our house and I tried to visit most days. I really relied on daily and weekly planning and spent a lot of time in my car visiting him and driving my daughter for club soccer. In our situation, we were never home so there wasn’t a lot of time for thinking 🙂 We did end up moving a Disney trip twice. We spent one night in a hotel by rehab just for something different. I think I use planning as a coping mechanism during times like these. I also knew at some point I was going to have a break (and I did, but I knew it was coming so it wasn’t so bad). I am not sure if this is helpful, but know that I see you and it is hard! I think this also when I started keeping the good snacks in my car 🙂
Jami I can’t even imagine! That sounds so, so hard. But i see the benefit of being too busy to ruminate. I am so glad it sounds like you’re past it now!!
As someone who has dealt with spouse heath issues often, the immediate aftermath is not the time to make big (or expensive) decisions. Let the dust settle, see how recovery is going, and then make plans. Waiting a few months to book things will still give plenty of lead time. I know it’s hard for us planners, but it will be ok to live in the uncertainty for a bit :). I deal with it by controlling what I can, starting with focusing just on today, then just on this week when that’s obtainable. Also stress cleaning – it’s the one thing you can control and see immediate results, lol.
Yep – I’ve cancelled everything up until the Feb big sky (the lodge we love does sell out, so I wanted to reserve it knowing that we can cancel if needed). And now I think I’m entirely done with booking thing until there’s more stability. Ready to only short-term plan for a while!
During my most recent period of psychic unrest I rewrote and resubmitted a grant (YMMV). Then I finished a manuscript. Now I am motivating to work on another one. If I didn’t have that I would probably have leaned into writing something else. I have also been doing a TON of walking — like 4-6 miles most days. I have also tackled things around the house that I’ve been putting off, like planting my daughter’s vegetable crop into buckets, organizing the linen closet, fixing the deck (I planned the repairs, husband did the manual labor), spraying the weeds growing in the yard. Could you make yourself a schedule so that you didn’t feel at loose ends so much during the day? Keeping my brain and body busy seem to help a lot.
As far as vacation planning is concerned… well, this summer we had planned to go to Belize, but that did not happen because of my March-present saga of AUB–>hysterectomy–>recovery. I wasn’t *that* upset because I was feeling weird about a summer Caribbean vacation for basically the same reasons you feel weird about a winter one (and it was fully refundable). Instead, we are going up north so my husband can do the Mackinac island swim (13k yeesh) and spending a few days in Harbor Springs for part of the week. We are also doing a weekend in Port Austin with the dogs, and I am doing a mother-daughter trip to Chicago when daughter gets back from camp. I love using ChatGPT to suggest and plan trips just for funsies, but I am wary of booking really far in advance because plans change (for us they change ALL THE TIME). My current travel obsession is Norway in the summer. I am hoping for next summer, but we will see.
Oh! One suggestion — if Josh is still not okay for skiing next February (Open Evidence says *maybe* skiing is ok 9-12 months post injury,,,) you could consider Puerto Rico. Yes, I know you have lovely beaches in FL, but sometimes it is nice to get away. Both times I booked 2-3 months in advance and prices were pretty reasonable. The first time I used San Juan as a base and explored Old San Juan and rented a car and went to Luquillo beach (x2), el Yunque, and did a biobay tour on the southern part of the island. The second time I took daughter and we flew to Vieques and went beach hopping, rode horses, and did another biobay tour. Both trips were fantastic — I would highly recommend.
ChatGPT also thinks we should got to PR. (and Kae too I think!). It sounds like a lot of fun nature stuff, and easy to get to. Good backup!
And yeah I put his injury in OpenEvidence too and got more like “mayyyyybe in 6m” but also could def be longer (or even, never). Maybe it is a bit of wishful thinking. I obviously don’t want to push him into doing it and have it end badly.
Norway in summer sounds amazing. Our good friends are doing that this summer on a cruise. Wish we were going!!
Oh we did Norway in the summer, as a very chill trip. Swapped houses with a family from Lillehammer, and just went for walks, ate pastries, went to a troll themed amusement park, etc.
Another thought is to book a couple nights in a really nice hotel on the beach right here in South Florida in January. It would be expensive, but not as expensive as traveling to the Caribbean. It might be a fun mini-break, and a reward for getting through call weeks.
Anyway- I’ll bet you feel better after rearranging those plans. What you’ve got now sounds realistic, and FUN.
I think releasing expectations for planning travel makes sense. You aren’t dealing with a full deck of cards right now as you don’t have the clearest picture of Josh’s recovery, I imagine? I mean I think back to my hip surgery (repair of a torn labrum + shaving of the ball joint of my hip) that I had in May of 2016. Despite doing tons of PT, I was not able to run until late October. And what Josh is dealing with is, I don’t know, 10 times more challenging? Recovery timelines can be so uncertain!
Plus, I think there is such a thing as too much travel in a given period of time? Granted, I come at this as someone who has not yet embarked on traveling a lot with our kids since they aren’t at great ages for travel (nor could my husband get away for multiple week(s)-long trips in a calendar year because of the nature of his job/their staffing model). But I sometimes feel like there is a sense that we have to do allllll these trips with our kids in this condensed period of time – otherwise we haven’t given them a great childhood. But I took ZERO big trips with my family of origin and I still had a wonderful childhood. Now I travel with my parents as an adult. Granted they are more low key trips (beach trips to the Gulf Coast of Florida) but they are still really special and fun. So you could be traveling with your kids for many years to come. And I know that can be more complicated as they get older and start jobs and such, but it can also get easier potentially if they aren’t beholden to a school schedule. I guess what I am trying to say is that you will have many, many more trips with your kids in the future, especially if you and Josh are footing the bill. 🙂 So hopefully you aren’t putting too much of a finite timeline on your family adventures as that would really ratchet up the pressure to do alllll the things before they turn a certain age.
I appreciate this take on travel with kids! We have done no big trips and I feel guilty about it but really don’t have any desire yet. They are 7, 4, and 1 and very happy with our shorter trips to a lake and visits with cousins. There’s a lot of pressure for big trips and it’s a good reminder there is a lot of time for them as they get older, too.
The grief of life not going how we planned and a loss of dreams is real and isn’t a solvable emotion problem but a process that takes time, especially when it’s a series of compounding griefs that bring up things all over again. It’s pretty awful.
I have found therapy helps.
I have found that doing year photo books (I have a whole process and it’s always one of my Q3 goals!) of the previous year and then getting them printed and going through them with my family helps us relive and get joy from past travel, reminiscing, and sharing stories.
I’ve also found finding a celebration you can do at home can make life better too. Throw a party at your home for everyone in your life to celebrate your anniversary, or have a broken leg or cancelled plans party. Or a life sucks sometimes party. We have people over for pizza (almost) every Friday night for 23 years, and every time I thought I had an awful week, having people to share the hard parts with helped.
Also helping other people changed my focus and helped me. We volunteer at a soup kitchen every month and that helps get me out of my own head.
Also walking outside in nature helps.
I hope this helps.
Ugh, I feel for you. And I know the feeling of kids being at good ages (mine are 15/12/9) so I have this “we-need-to-do-all-the-things RIGHT NOW” feeling but being realistic about what fits and telling myself we have time – I hope kids will travel with us in college and beyond but it can feel fleeting and it is OK to be sad and disappointed as you have dreamed of these ages. Last year my husband dealt with health issues that created tons of uncertainty and we had to make adjustments in life and travel so I know how hard it is for a planner. I have found some low key short things to look forward to helps me so perhaps a couple days over winter break or something in there would at least give you something to break it up. I would also second PR – Old San Juan is worth it on it’s own.
Planning and dreaming can be part of the fun….I have a trip coming up in a few days and I am scrambling and stressed getting things done before leaving and wonder what I was thinking booking during such a busy work period. I guess there is never perfect timing.
If you plan for Italy and Switzerland I would highly encourage you to take a look at Slovenian – an underrated gem!!
Catching up on posts. Ooofta, Sarah! When it rains, it pours! My husband broke his ankle playing hockey last year, 4 days before my 40th and 8 days before an international trip with our then 18mo (obviously cancelled… can’t well travel with an external fixator!). For many months my solution to psychic unrest was just… one. day. at. a. time.
Sending mental hugs. Give yourself so much grace, please! And if Josh would like to chat with another fellow athlete-in-recovery-mode let me know & we can connect them.
I feel like I just channeled a lot of existential angst into finally picking out bedding for the king bed we switched to after our renovation two years ago. We’ve been using placeholder sheets until I could find a comforter I really liked and my husband didn’t hate. It only took 15 years into our relationship to find this unicorn comforter. Finding sheets that go with the comforter was less difficult, but also time consuming. But worth it, because of how much I love textiles and how much I love our new set up.
Is there a possibility of adding a brief trip up to PA to visit your family a possibility during winter instead of the skiing trip? Maybe that’s less intense since it’s a familiar location and you can spend a lot of the time just chilling with family.
I am hoping to go way sooner to PHL (alone or with some combo of kids) to see my dad especially but that’s true, maybe winter too!
I think a bit of psychic unrest is normal right now (which I know you understand!). And I think A is VERY smart to push off the skiing trip until February. Hopefully, your husband will be in a better place with his recovery and it’ll be a great vacay to celebrate being able to ski again!!