Well, this has not been the summer I had envisioned.
(Understatement of the century!)
Thankfully, Josh did well post-operatively and is at home recovering. His fracture is a really bad one with joint involvement; longer-term outcomes with respect to sports are uncertain. He is still in a lot of pain and mostly in bed (though thankfully can get up to do essential things on one leg using a walker, with great effort). He will be non-weight bearing for 8-10 weeks.
I did get coverage for most of my call weekend which is a very good thing (traded, will pay back!) because I joked I was fulfilling the role of 24 hour nursing. Not going to lie, it was a rough weekend for me but obviously way way rougher for him.
It’s going to be a slow recovery but I know he’ll get there (this did sort of happen once before, but he was younger and the fracture wasn’t as bad. I was super-pregnant though!).
So! You may be wondering about how we are dealing with this logistically.
Hawaii is definitely not happening. We had a hallucinating moment where we thought “oh, he could still go!” but then the ortho said no and we also realized how . . . un-fun it would likely be (not that we were going to go against recommendations anyway). I have no desire to take this trip without him (it was to celebrate our 20th anniversary after all) so that was a non-starter.
So, I cancelled it, and I will admit I was really sad about that. I felt horribly petty for feeling so broken up about an island luxury vacation under these circumstances, but what can I say — the feelings were there nonetheless. I guess really I was just so sad about the loss of the summer I had thought about for months and the family memories I envisioned that were never going to come to fruition.
BUT, now I’m mostly over it (still wistful, but at least the acute sadness is gone!). On the plus side, I got all my $/miles back, other than some flights where I had to take airline credit (Alaska) — also totally fine, since we can just fly them again when we book for next year. Because we WILL BE booking for next year! I spent too much time designing and researching this trip not to actually get to take it, so I’ve embraced the mindset of . . . well, it’s deferred. And I will embrace the accumulation of our travel budget and PL time that will result from this utter calamity.
I also cancelled my upcoming PHL trip. Josh is just not ready to be left alone yet, he can’t drive, it just didn’t feel right. And speaking of PHL, things are still pretty hard there though it’s not my story to share details. I wish I could be in two places at once.
Mindset at this point is:
- I am feeling a little bit more calm and trying to just zoom into each day / hour / task
- (Counter to that: I also can’t help but think of fun trips and things we can do to make up for this when it’s all over (ie, next spring). I was required to submit my PL requests already anyway so taking time to fill out my little PL spreadsheet was a bright spot yesterday.)
- We are trying to make everything easy. We took C out of his bball league with late night practices (he’s playing a ton at camp anyway)
Oh and OBVIOUSLY I ordered a new Hobonichi July-start. I CANNOT use the one I have with all the Hawaii stuff mocking me for those two weeks!
29 Comments
I’ve been thinking about your guys a lot. I’m so sorry this happened, and I hope that the pain improves soon for Josh, and think it’s totally valid to feel sadness about a summer not going the way you hoped and a huge trip that is deferred. It’s already a hard season, so it sounds like you are giving yourself grace and taking time to reimagine what’s realistic and right given the constraints you have.
I’ve been thinking about you a lot, too. Please do not feel petty for feeling sad about canceling Hawaii. It was a big trip you were very excited about so it’s natural to be sad. Plus Josh’s recover will make life harder on you in general with his limited mobility. This is a big freaking deal!! Plus you have the medical situation with your parents that is weighing on your on top of your false shock from your defibrillator. It’s just much too much for any one person!!
I’m glad you’ve found a way to make your schedule easier. I’d lean into that while you are down a driver and have an immobile spouse. And it’s good that you’ve made the decision to push the Hawaii trip out a year so that isn’t hanging over you because indecision can be tiring.
Hang in there. I am so sorry this happened to you. Life is so very unfair.
I’m glad things are okay, but I’m so sorry all of this has happened. It is perfectly valid to grieve the family time you would have had in Hawaii —and you are very right to think of it as a deferral, not a cancellation!
Take good care of you right now. ❤️
So sorry to hear about this tough situation. Good idea to think about Hawaii as a deferral. Best wishes for you for all of your family
It is absolutely NOT petty at all to be sad about the vacation. So much planning and effort goes into executing on something like this, and I think you’re also so right about recognizing there is grief over the change in expectations for the entire summer, not just the Hawaii trip.
Deferral is the perfect reframe. Ugh. Hoping you get some relief from all the various stressors in your life. I read Lisa’s comment and ditto to ALL OF IT.
I’ve been thinking about you, hoping everything went well with Josh’s surgery, and that you were finding ways to cope. It sounds like you are – smart move simplifying everyone’s schedule. Orthopedic injuries can be ROUGH wow that looks like a bad one. Here’s hoping he recovers fully. Maybe no more basketball though? And thank goodness for modern medicine!
It’s ok to be sad about Hawaii. 🙁
If you want husband-friendly TV recs that are binge worthy, I have a bunch. Sheep Detectives is on Amazon Prime now (says my husband) — I bet your kids would like it too. We just finished The Gentlemen (not kid friendly) and are almost done with Four Seasons.
Oh also apropos of nothing, your arms look fantastic. You have inspired me to get a pull up bar. So far I can only hang from it lol.
It seems like this would be the biggest family trip you guys have ever taken, so it is ABSOLUTELY okay to be sad and devastated about not getting to go, particularly after all the anticipation that comes with planning and booking etc. Yay for points bookings being usually fully cancellable and very smart to just decide this is your 2027 trip! I’m so sorry Josh is in a lot of pain and hoping the recovery continues apace.
I’m so sorry for you bot my and truly hope you get a break from everything over the last year or so. What a bummer. I had an unexpected injury last year that took a long to to get over (and still not back 100%), and it is just so hard to get over that when you’re normally an active person (as I know you can relate to based on your heart stuff). Anything, nothing helpful to add but just wanted to send my best wishes to you both (and your entire families).
Thank you for the update and I’ll join in the good vibes production department. One thing that has helped me during times when I’ve needed to be home more than I had expected (wanted) is to pick out some fun restaurants for delivery, pick out a few fun and easy recipes (perhaps cocktail recipes), play more music, and line up some good books. New planner sounds smart!
So hard when things happen and you have to change plans / let things go you were really looking forward to! And the feelings are legit – you need to feel them! Wishing you all the best through tough times.
Sarah! Ugh. You’ve had your share of obstacles the past couple of years. Thankfully that means you have lots of practice doing hard things…. But the things are still hard 🙁 I hope you can find little ways to make the summer enjoyable perhaps playing tourist in your hometown. I’m sorry you are dealing with this crappy situation and hope J feels better soon
What a rough summer. Glad Josh is home and healing…. and you’ll have your fun trip some day, if not when you planned. Much love and light from mine to yours.
I’m glad things are stable but it makes sense that you feel sad about missing out on your big trip. I hope you can reschedule another Philadelphia trip with your new summer schedule. I’m wishing you all the best case as everyone recovers.
Oh gosh, I would be so sad to cancel a trip, and not to mention nursing a broken-legged husband. SHU, I wouldn’t blame you if you cried yourself dehydrated, that’s what I’d be doing in your shoes. Well, as you say, it’s a DEFERRED trip, not a cancelled one, and you have that to look forward to. But oh man, what a drag to have to pivot the summer like that. I’m so sorry. That really sucks. May his healing journey be smooth and quick. xo
I can’t imagine anyone would rather be recovering from a serious injury (or taking care of that person!) than going on an awesome trip! It’s totally reasonable feel sad about having to push it out a year. Does Josh have a family member (brother? dad?) who could come stay with him in a couple weeks when he’s further on the mend so you could get away to Philadelphia? When it rains, it pours!
I remember being on the Patreon Zoom when you were talking about the Hawaii trip with a lot of anticipation. As others have said, it is healthy for you to grieve. The only silver lining: you have done all the planning, so it will be easier to plan next year. And the beauty of points and miles is that you can cancel and reuse down the road. Check with Alaska-I know that with their companion pass, you only have to rebook your dates (not actually travel) before the expiration date. Their phone reps are amazing-worth a call. As for Philadelphia, with July 4th/FIFA/MLB All-Star game happening in July, waiting a bit may be for the best. Sending good thoughts for everyone in your life who is experiencing hard stuff (including you!)
Sending supportive vibes! My husband broke both his feet (one badly) in a rock climbing accident in 2017, so I know how tough recovery from a bad break can be for both the injured party AND the caretaker. Hang in there and be sure to give yourself some down time if yoy can. My husband’s break was pretty gnarly, and most message boards online gave us the impression he’d never hike without pain again, but thanks to an excellent surgeon (we got in with the MN Vikings’ ortho lead – and he was somehow in network!) and a commitment to PT he has fully recovered. We were just out rock climbing today!
I am so, so sorry that you had to cancel your much anticpated trip to Hawaii. Not petty at all to feel bummed about it (I can very much relate)… but I am glad you’re already planning for it next year.
Dare I even ask, what are Josh’s prospects of running Boston? (I know, he/you probably haven’t even thought about it… but it instantly popped in my mind.) Obviously it’s much more important for him to heal and recover completely above anything else.
not very positive. His overall ability to run ever (without pain or causing early arthritis) is not certain. At least he has a wife who knows what it feels like . . .
Ugh. Honestly, I wish you BOTH didn’t have to contend with this reality at all! 🙁
Ugh I’m sorry, this really sucks. For you, for Josh, for everyone! Of course things could be worse, etc, but it’s still a bummer and I would need to read myself to several new books and probably some Real Real treasures to feel better about being a home nurse instead of the beach vacation version of myself!
I hope Josh heals well and quickly and you all have extra patience for each other and life generally! Thinking of you.
I’ve decided not to travel with my toddler but am instead treating myself to other things. For example, I’ve just hired a professional organizer to help me with aspects of my home. I might buy myself something special. Anyway, it makes me feel better about staying home.
Oof, I’m so sorry, what an absolute ordeal. I’d get all the help you need/want. Is there an overnight camp that the kids could get excited about which might have spaces if you call and explain? Sleepovers with friends? I imagine you’re not getting a ton of sleep.
I am so sorry. I have a lot of empathy for you and the whole family. Years back I had a “high tibial osteotomy” by choice to help with knee issues. It included a plate and four screws….so no where near the same hardware as Josh. Mention only as, for me, the first two weeks were the most uncomfortable though as swelling decreased, so did the pain levels.
The non-weight bearing (10 weeks for me), not being able to drive and subsequent relearning how to walk took the most work/effort in my memory. I was single at the time and hired a coworkers 22-year old son to drive me to/from appointments. Uber wasn’t around then but FYI if you are looking at getting help in the upcoming months.
I will share – thank you! He won’t be able to drive either, and he won’t even be weight bearing by the time school starts 🙁 But between our nanny and uber I think we will be okay.
I’m thinking of you, Sarah, and hoping Josh’s recovery, and your dad’s, runs smoothly. I’ve been in similar situations where you’re torn between wanting to help more than one person, and being so sad and worried about them, but there’s only so much you can do. It’s really tough emotionally. (And I didn’t have children at home when it happened to me–that adds an additonal level of stress and complexity!) This really has been a super hard year for your family. Sending you love and best wishes.
Also, good for you that you got a new planner to help with the disappointment level. Remember to give yourself a little loving care, too!
I only just read both these posts about Josh’s injury and I’m so sorry. Cancelling Hawaii must have been so so hard and the recovery time, with all that you will have to take on, must be even harder. Thinking of you all like crazy and hoping the kids step up to make it all manageable. You really are having a shit summer and I’m so, so sorry you’re having to deal with all this. {{{HUGS}}}
Sarah, this is bordering on INSANE. I mean, it has just been one thing after another for you. This just sucks so, so much. I can’t even imagine how Josh is feeling. I’ve never had an injury like that, but even just thinking back to my sprained ankle, it was so aggravating not to be able to move around. AND he’s in pain, AND he can’t run Boston, AND he’s worried about the long-term prognosis. AND you had to cancel your big trip. I mean… here’s what I’m thinking. You should buy a lottery ticket. The universe owes you some VERY GOOD LUCK, and it might manifest in millions of dollars, lol.
Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help. I mean that!!!
I know, I’m like I wonder if people are just going to think I’m fabricating disaster at this point . I SO WISH I WAS!!!!!!