Thank you all for your support and understanding (and in some cases commiseration!). TMI/hormone discussion below – in case you want to avoid or just don’t care.
Interestingly, I never had PMS/PMDD until my late 30s. I had irregular cycles as a teen (and didn’t even start until 15.5!), took birth control pills from something like ages 19-29, and then had hypothalamic amenorrhea (with its accompanying fertility woes, which sucked, but NO PMS!) for 2 years or so before getting pregnant with A.
I went straight from breastfeeding A to pregnancy with C, so zero cycles between those two! It wasn’t until weaning C at age ~35 that I actually started experiencing the hormonal cycles that most women probably have at least a decade or 2 of experience with by that time.
Then I had G, and when she was ~16 months or so, my cycles came back even though we still were nursing 2x/day. And now they are regular as all get out. And so I have to deal with the reality that I am not the nicest / most patient / most rational person for approximately one week (okay, sometimes even little longer) per month.
I find that the regularity — and tracking my cycles — does help me a little bit though. Because I can (sometimes) see how skewed my thought process can get during those times. Yesterday was a challenging clinical day and everything pissed me off, but I was nice to everyone because I KNEW that I had to be extra careful to maintain composure. In fact I probably overcompensated (extra cheery + polite – sometimes the best way to deal with those feelings, particularly in the professional world, for me).
I went to bed early last night (after drinking a pumpkin beer + doing a charcoal anti-acne/pore minimizer sheet mask for the ultimate self-care!). (Side note, Josh is NOT a fan of me lying in bed doing sheet masks. I think it scares him though I do try to warn anyone when they are coming in!). Today I started out a little negative but I went for a decent run and G just took a SOLID nap (so I finished The Gifted School which OMG INSANELY ADDICTIVE AND PROPULSIVE BOOK!) and I am feeling better.
YES, I have bad days too. And bad weeks. And my Inbox is NOT always at zero (even though I wish it was and try to get there when I can). The blogosphere used to be filled with a lot of angst (think TypePad or LiveJournals!) but now they are really filled with a lot of filtered perfect images and so blessed and all that. I really do have gratitude for my life but some days are still a struggle. Thank you for understanding and welcoming the imperfection. You all are the best!
5 Comments
Thank you so much for sharing Sarah, it is so good for those of us also going through this to know we are not alone!
“I was nice to everyone because I KNEW that I had to be extra careful to maintain composure. In fact I probably overcompensated (extra cheery + polite – sometimes the best way to deal with those feelings, particularly in the professional world, for me).”
This is 100% me!! 😀
Thank you for being so real! So so so. Many bloggers paint their lives as perfect, particularly parents and it’s just not relatable. We all have so many struggles in parenting and careers etc and it’s a breath of fresh air to see you so real about it!
Thanks a lot for sharing, Sarah! I’ve been enjoying these daily blog posts very much. As someone who studies perfectionism, I can say that it’s related to whole host of problems like depression, anxiety, stress, the list goes on. So I really appreciate your honesty in discussing your struggles in addition to the good times. Nobody is perfect, we’re just doing the best we can 🙂
Thanks for being so real. I also get annoyed by the ‘my life is perfect and amazing’ posts on social media which is why I need to take breaks occasionally. I’m probably due for another real break. I gave up social media for lent and that was so good for me, although I took fewer pictures of our son! Kind of sad that it takes sharing photos to prompt me to take pictures but oh well!
Here’s hoping this is a better week. Hormones can be awful!!