Thus far, I have read 32 books in 2019.
However, since the end of September, I have only read two (and one was out of obligation, for the Residency Book Club).
I am not sure what I’ve been doing with my time that isn‘t reading books, but it isn’t:
- watching TV
- spending time with my husband
I honestly don’t even think it’s Instagram (!), so it’s a bit mysterious. It could be my half marathon training program, but I’m not really running or exercising that much more than I was before. Or journaling/writing in my planner. Or work projects (grand rounds, residency interviews, leading meetings, patient care). Or writing 30 blog posts (except that was September, and I managed to read 5 books that month).
I started All The Fun I Ever Had and . . . I couldn’t get into it. But I’m not sure if it’s the book. It might be me. It may be fairly evident already, but I have been really kind of blah lately, and not looking forward to much. My ‘low’ phase of previously noted hormonal mood swings seems to have expanded to fill up most of the month. I have been fully functional, but not very happy. My daily job responsibilities require a display of enthusiasm and energy (real or fake, seriously, it might as well be in the job description) and it’s been exhausting putting up that front. The myriad holiday events looming in my planner are filling me with a sense of dread rather than pleasant anticipation. I have not been able to keep up my fake-sunny disposition after arriving home, which is probably frustrating to Josh. Hopefully the kids have not noticed too much.
All that to explain why I am going to an appointment tonight to try to be proactive about this. (Or at least more proactive than I have been). This is usually one of my favorite times of year, and I do not want to let the days slip by in this mode.
I may also just need a vacation, but quite honestly I think it’s more than that. Also, we don’t have one on the horizon for quite some time. Josh is working most of the kids’ winter break this year (he is off on the day of Christmas/Christmas eve + Thanksgiving though). We will likely go to NC as a family in March but . . . that is March! I do have couple of random days off in early December with childcare so maybe I will try to make those as relaxing and rejuvenating as possible.
Note on childcare: Thus far, our shift in G’s hours has been great. Nights have been calmer and I have been able to give A&C the homework attention they need (and got to help them practice piano, too). We are scheduling things out on a week to week basis, and are very lucky that for the most part, she is flexible so if a child is sick or both Josh and I have early work meetings, she can just come earlier on that particular day.
I was remarking to Laura (we were pod recording last night!) that we should have made that shift earlier, but really we couldn’t have until moving here and getting G settled in school. It’s a good reminder to remember to reassess your childcare needs from time to time — things change a lot as kids grow!