Thank you all so much for your kind words, suggestions, commiseration, and support these past few weeks. I feel so, so, so much better. The shift was fairly sudden; I spent Black Friday indulging in an incredibly lazy afternoon (my parents were here entertaining the kids). I read a novel and rested and napped and by Saturday morning, nearly a monthlong fog felt like it had been lifted.
And now I am excited about things again! I feel like me again! And I like my life again. The feelings of pointlessness and apathy that hung around for most of November have evaporated. I don’t know exactly what helped me shake them off, but I am so happy they are gone.
Maybe it’s the synthetic estrogen/progesterone combination I’m taking each morning (I started ~8 days ago). Maybe it was just taking a break from work (which is what Josh kept saying, but I don’t think it’s the entire story). Maybe it’s meditation — though I doubt it; I’ve only done 5 days. Or therapy, though I only went twice.
On Saturday, having felt like I was emerging from a hole, everything felt great. I enjoyed my long run. I especially enjoyed coming home to pumpkin pancakes.
My parents have been enjoying a lot of time with A / C / G. The visit has been nice, and I think they have enjoyed it (they head back Weds).
I was previously filled with dread about the holidays and now dare I say I’m not minding the idea of some more time off and a few parties. (This is literally a 180 from my mindset just a few days ago). ALSO: 2020 Hobonichi is getting broken in this week! I am ready.
Half Training Report 11.25 – 12.1 (week #7):
M – cool AM run, 8:58/mi (I was cold so ran faster I guess)
T – 21DF Dirty 30, 8 + 12 lb weights
W – Intervals in the afternoon – it was hot and I was tired. 10:00/mi average, 8 x 1 min @ approx 5K pace
R – nothing really – 1 mi jog while kids rode bikes!
F – rest (day of truly lying around)
S – 10 mi long run. 9:44/mi average. Felt great.
S – BB 21 DF Upper (8 + 12 lb weights). Pushups 17 up / 6 down, 12 up / 6 down. Felt hard!
Meals this Week:
M – Fartlek Chili (Run Fast Eat Slow) + sweet potato chips
T – out with my parents to celebrate their (45th) anniversary + (HOPEFULLY) closing on our (old) house
W – chicken thighs with white beans, pancetta & baby kale (from Dinner Illustrated)
R – leftovers
F – chickpea & kale soup (Dinner Illustrated) w/ bread
S – date night
S – Josh & Cameron go to heat game; something low key for me / A / G (maybe breakfast – for – dinner)
10 Comments
I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling better!
Nice work on a swift mile 10 in the long run! And yay for the fog lifting. Nothing quite like it.
Honestly, it sounds cliche but acknowledging there is a problem always really helps. I was having quite bad anxiety and intrusive thoughts and felt so much better* after the initial intake appointment at the counseling service. By squirreling myself away and failing to admit something was wrong, I was giving a lot of power to the anxiety? I wonder if is the same for you – saying ‘something it isn’t right…’ gave you ownership and power over the issue?
*Thank goodness as the waitlist for counseling at my employer is 5 months!
So happy to hear that you’re feeling a lot better! I still recommend keeping up with the meditation and therapy, if you can. I personally find that it’s useful to have the resources even when things are going well, but obviously you have to do what feels right for you.
I am definitely going to continue both!
So glad therapy/mediation/work break helped… I know for me when I try any of those I immediately feel better which may seem silly but then I think any steps toward self-care always help me, if only because I know that I’ve reached out for help. And I agree with the comment above in that for me, acknowledging always helps.
I feel like the fact that you snapped out of your funk very quickly might mean it was related to weaning from breast feeding? I have heard other women say they went into a major funk after weaning and then it’s like a switch flipped and they were back to normal. Whatever caused the change, I am glad you are feeling much better!!
A friend posted this article on facebook yesterday and I immediately thought of you, especially now that you work with residents in your role: https://in-housestaff.org/the-change-a-perspective-on-women-surgeons-from-a-resident-physician-1588
I hope your closing goes smoothly! We close on the sale of our house in 2 weeks and I can’t wait. We own 2 houses on corner lots and have gotten a ton of snow recently (12″+!). My poor husband has moved so much snow in the last week! 🙁
I’m so glad you are feeling better! Missed your voice here 🙂
Good insight above, about acknowledging the issue and taking control, but also a break to just DO NOTHING can also do wonders. I think our over-achieving lives, and the constant go-go-go…even if a lot of it is important and enjoyable and meaningful can just be mentally/emotionally draining and a moment to just not be thinking/planning/managing others’ expectations is much needed.
Glad you’re feeling better! Doing nothing is often the best medicine (for me anyway) — especially when you’ve given yourself formal permission to do it and don’t spend that time feeling like you should be being productive. I usually only need a couple of days of this to recharge and start feeling more optimistic about life. Regardless of why this happened, I am happy you’re feeling better!
I purchased a Hobonichi Techo cousin for 2020 based on your recommendation! Would love to see how you are breaking it in and setting it up for 2020! Curious how you use each section in the front (weekly, monthly, yearly). I know you have posted examples of your daily pages before!