Thank you for all of the love in the comments yesterday – I really appreciate it. I especially loved hearing how common this event is — made me feel less anger towards myself for the lapse.
I wish I could say I was doing wonderfully. On the plus side, I still don’t think anything seems broken. On the minus, there is still a lot of pain. I’m functioning, but every time I get up or have to reach for anything I am instantly reminded that my body is not even close to healed. My right quad/knee is slowly improving (but not normal) and my back seems to be a bit worse (something like a bad muscle strain and/or bruised rib).
And . . . my attitude is not that great.
I *know* (or at least feel 95% confident) that in ~6 months, none of this will matter. But — and I recognize, this is not ideal or very stoic of me — I still feel sad about now. I also think my “running as positive biochemical neuromodulator” hypothesis is very true and I am really REALLY missing those endorphins. Josh keeps showing me the chapter in Daniels Running Formula that demonstrates how little fitness is lost with a short break from working out. It is . . . maybe kind of comforting? But doesn’t help my mood in the moment.
(Note: I also know my temporary injury is nothing compared to what it could have been, and nothing compared to what many have gone through or are going through right now. So then I also feel bad about having sad thoughts about something I know is trivial. Tertiary pain?)
I might try a test run tomorrow but am fully prepared to take about 10 steps and have to stop, because if I’m limping or my gait is compromised that could just invoke a brand NEW injury which is definitely not what I need right now. Based on how hard basic movements are right now (getting dressed, turning over in bed, putting on shoes) I don’t have high hopes for this attempt. But I feel like I want to just give it a try . . . with very low expectations. Cross-training is one idea but I’m not entirely sure biking/swimming would be much less stress on the most injured areas. (Also, I have never in my life swam as a workout and cannot really imagine starting now! And I am the only one I know, basically, without a Peloton).
I just need to take things one day at a time, and unfortunately that is not my natural inclination. HOWEVER, I know what my own advice to others has been in an uncertainty-filled negative scenario and that is generally:
ZOOM IN. Focus on now. Structure your days based on what you CAN do and build in some fun and rest NOW rather than waiting for things to be different or better. After a two-day hiatus, I did my usual planning routine today.
DON’T TRY TO PLAN FAR AHEAD. SOOOO hard for me.
APPRECIATE WHAT YOU CAN DO. And be grateful.
GET HELP WHEN NEEDED. Yes.
FIND POSITIVE DISTRACTIONS. We are seeing Into the Woods this weekend so that should be fun at least!
Unfortunately I am on call next week so the lovely idea of “rest” is just . . . not going to happen. But maybe that’s ok (better to be otherwise occupied).
Yesterday I managed to go to G’s field trip. I was in pain (through max doses acetominophen/ibuprofen) but I could walk and she was so glad I was there.
Well. One day at a time. Will work on following my own advice!