Domain #2 is RELATIONSHIPS. This is an umbrella item that encompasses marriage, friendship, parenting – I’ve definitely split these up in other years, but this year I am wrapping them into one.
(Home logistical things are in a separate category called “HOME“, so stay tuned for that!).
I have 3 goals in this category, and as I was typing this I just through of a fourth. Ha!
GOAL #1: SCHEDULE (AND EXECUTE) ON 2 DATE NIGHTS PER MONTH WITH JOSH. I’ve written before about how we were very consistent about date nights until we didn’t need a babysitter, which seems entirely backwards but actually makes totally sense because not needing a babysitter eliminated the step of planning ahead for nights out together, and guess what happened to many non-urgent-things-we-like-to-do-just-for-ourselves-but-don’t-plan?
That’s right! They don’t happen.
I love when I’m my own example for the methods I talk about all the time. But I did not love missing out on fun nights out without the kids! Josh also is on board with carving out 1:1 time, by the way (I know this would be much harder to make happen if it wasn’t something he wanted as well).
ANYWAY! I realized that the best way to plan these in is at the monthly level — I can generally find at least 2 nights (two weekend nights or one weeknight/one weekend night) that work for us to do something together. Usually we just go to dinner (and I love doing that, both nicer places and very casual neighborhood places), but I am definitely open to other things like . . . mini golf or an escape room or things like that. Or a performance (hey, we already have Weird Al booked . . . at Josh’s request).
(SIDE NOTE: Josh does not count double dates or nights out with adult friends as “date nights:. At all; not even partial credit. My extroverted self is not entirely in agreement with this take, but I do agree there is something special about the ‘just us’ nights.)
This month we are going for a weeknight sports bar night (the date I suggested was the Hurricanes play off game so . . that will be our activity) and one weekend night out. Our nanny will pick A up from gymnastics and realistically we will likely be home before everyone is in bed anyway. For our weekend dates, A is generally amenable to being in charge.
(We have paid her in the past, or sometimes just figure out some sort of reward. And I’m not above a small reward to the other kids for listening to her.)
I do plan on tracking these on my monthly calendar spread (the same one where I track books read). I want to be able to look back on the fun we had all year!
But this was:
GOAL #2: WEEKLY WALK ‘N’ TALKS. Now that I walk rather than run, I’ve realized that one of the best things I can do with that walking time is a chat with a friend or family member! I talked to Kae last Thursday and my parents on Sunday.
I want to be really proactive about setting these up these year! Usually the best times for this for me are Monday or Wednesday afternoons, or a weekend slot. I never ever regret spending time catching up with friends.
(If you are reading this and we are overdue for a walk and talk, let’s make it happen!)
GOAL #3: GET COLLEGE FRIENDS TRIP ON THE CALENDAR! I am not sure how many of my college friends read here (I think most may be sporadic readers though incredibly supportive and wonderful friends!) but we have managed to take a trip together most years since graduation!
It has gotten harder though as 3/6 of us have kids and many of the 6 have heavy work or personal travel schedules. AND it can be hard to agree on a place to stay! So, I often end up being the “nudger” getting everyone to commit to a date and place. This year I’m trying to get this set early because I know the houses we are interested in renting can go FAST! Anyway, this is an official goal on the list because it is important to me and helpfully will keep the planning momentum going.
GOAL #4: GENERALLY SAY YES WHEN FRIENDS ASK TO DO THINGS. This one came to me today as my dear friend K who lives in Portland (OR) suggested tacking on a celebratory West Coast visit to our Hawaii trip. You know, on the way!
Her husband used to be cryptically referred to here as “Dr. S”, and he is running a marathon with Josh later this year! He was one of Josh’s groomsmen and I was one of K’s bridesmaids; the only reason she wasn’t in our wedding party is that I hadn’t met her yet! ALSO, they are #goals for anniversary celebrations because they are the ones who threw an amazing party for their 10th in NC (which we attended in 2023!).
ANYWAY. I answered no initially because I’ve already booked our flights to Hawaii. But then I realized a) we had not booked our flights HOME and b) we were looking for a way to potentially break up the misery of flying back for a full day (and adjusting to a 6 hour time change). And we have days off! So I think I am going to try to tack on a celebratory visit on the way home. And if it works out, it will be meaningful and fun and one of those memories I know I will treasure.
So there you have it! If history serves me, this category will probably lead to the most meaningful experiences and events of 2026. PEOPLE ARE A GOOD USE OF TIME ( <– that is a memorable quote from the wise Laura Vanderkam!).
14 Comments
I loved this post!
I often say that relationships (of all kinds) are one of my main hobbies. I generally am and want to continue to be a person that buys the ticket/invests the time & money to see my people.
Ben is such a good date night sport that he didn’t even object when I booked a sushi date for us during the bears game this weekend
I love these goals! I’m realizing that I informally adopted #4 as a goal last year, and I have really strengthened some acquaintance/casual-level friendships into close friends. Have you ever come across the concept of multifinality in goals? It’s basically the idea that one single action can serve multiple goals – so rather than having multiple means to one ends, it’s having one means to multiple ends. There are mixed results on its utility in research, but I think for an intrinsically-motivated, busy person, multifinality is quite functional!
For me, saying yes to friends and hobby/exercise goals have worked in that way – two examples from the past year: I joined an exercise studio with friends after 6ish years of working out at home and I learned how to play mahjong with a group of friends – both of which serve my personal hobby-related goals and my friendship goals!
This is an interesting concept. When I review my goals from last year I can see some played out this way for me too. I’ve never considered deliberately planning it this way but it’s a good idea!
The Portland trip would be a really nice way to break up the return trip and gradually return to EST! It is a hard time change! I hope you can make it happen. How fun that you are both friends with the couple. We have couple like that, too. The wife would have been a bridesmaid if I hadn’t limited it to my 2 sisters (which I did to simplify things and not have the fraught decision about who all to include). Her husband was one of Phil’s 2 best friends. And their youngest is 5 weeks older than Paul and they are good friends, too.
My goal is to have 4 1:1 dates. I feel a little sheepish about that low goal but with all my work travel, it’s hard to take more time away. And we are still in the stage of hiring a babysitter. We have our first date on my bday. The rec center has a childcare night that night so it was good timing with it being my bday!
your kids go to bed early at least though so you and Phil still get some couple time that way. So makes sense you might not need as many nights actually out of the house!! Those days are over for us . . until empty nest time, haha!
Regular listener/reader here 🙂
For your walks & talks, I found something that works well for me: before hanging up from a talk with a friend, we schedule the next call (and I usually send an invite from my Google Calendar immediately). Sometimes we need to move/postpone… but it saves so much time.
love this, it’s like booking your next hair appointment before you leave the salon (WHICH IS KEY!)
Eeks. We were supposed to schedule a walk-and-talk for January and I feel like this was in my court. Oops. My sister arrives in a few hours and once she leaves (Sunday), I feel like life will FINALLY feel back to normal after a MONTH of company/kid holiday break, etc.
I love these goals. John and I love spending time together. We do weekly at-home date nights and I love them SO much. I think what I enjoy the most is our 5 solo nights when they kids both go to camp. We’ve done it two years in a row and it is AH-MAZING. It is hands down my favourite week of the year. We work, we hike, we go out for an amazing dinner, we shop, we sleep in, we sip coffee on the deck each morning. It is bliss.
I would say… most people are not worth investing in, really at all. But for those that are, spending more time with them is always a good goal!
Easiest and quickest way to sort your college friends catchup = WhatsApp poll. Put in half a dozen dates, everyone replies effortlessly and they can all see each others’ responses. You can do the same when choosing accom. Makes it SO much easier than a million messages back and forth…
As always, you inspire me to set my own goals. And my audiobook ARRIVED in my Audible library. I’m so excited to start listening.
hooray! I hope you love it!!!
I love the walk and talk idea! If only I could do run and talk.