Thank you all for your commiseration yesterday.
I am proactively trying to get myself out of the . . . #mood. Tactics deployed:
- prioritizing sleep when tired (I went to bed before 9 last night)
- making sure to get outside for a walk (I really think skipping this habit does me no favors – even if it’s just 20 minutes)
- trying to really take care of my body from a nutrition standpoint. Lately I don’t feel like things are quite in balance, and I want to get ahead of that before body image woes add more fuel to my fire.
- really REALLY trying not to stress about things I feel “behind” about (behind is often relative; there actually is no email inbox police, for example. Truly, the way I plan DOES usually minimize this kind of stress — as I’ve discussed, there is a reason I only want to look at my goals for the week each day and nothing beyond that.)
- continuing to be really really careful when I fall down a comparison trap rabbit hole. I can’t control what anyone else does, so I guess . . . let them (thx Mel)? (And if paying too much attention to what others are doing isn’t serving me, I should stop looking, if that is feasible. Admittedly, sometimes it isn’t, since it’s not like my issues are coming from social media. And THANK GOODNESS for that, because I expect I would be ~90,000 times worse off.)
- I went back to tracking time (Toggl)! I do feel this little bit of meta awareness is helping me to make better choices in the short term and right now that feels helpful.
And, a reflection: I also need to stop expecting things will happen FOR me, in the personal or professional sphere. Examples: it’s great to say yes to social invitations, but one might not come. It’s great to wish someone else would magically arrange something fun for me, but that’s unlikely to happen. That means I have to create my own opportunities, big and small. (SMALL: watching a show with a kid that we both like, or spending 30 minutes playing piano. BIG: planning big work projects or a weekend away.)
I know this, and am usually good about doing it, but I think the reminder is helpful right now.
And finally: I am considering looking into HRT but am not in a hurry. I think I will . . . continue to maximize other approaches first and continue to pay really close attention to patterns. (I fully intend to go down that path at some point, btw. Just wasn’t expecting to do it at 45.)
In addition to all of this ‘self’ drama, the kids have had some tough things too. I love having teens and preteens, I do! I continue to appreciate that in many ways I am in the golden age of parenting, AND ALSO . . . they can still really REALLY do a number on my life outlook and mood. I honestly felt like this whole January downslide started with a day partially derailed by kid-induced stress and I haven’t been able to climb out since.
At least my hair is straight!
7 Comments
They say you’re only as happy as your least happy child and it’s true! Lisa Damour has some great stuff about making sure your own emotional responses don’t get more intense than your teen’s. . .
1) The comparison trap seems different to me than the “Let them” thing Mel Robbins was recommending where you more or less “allow” people to treat you like garbage because you “can’t control” them.
2) I just want you to know that every time you think about yourself in a negative light compared to another person, you are being officially ridiculous. You are incredibly accomplished and an inspiration to a lot of people.
3) I think you’re going to be great at healthy reframing and positive psychology exercises, so maybe keep leaning into that. 🙂
4) Yay for walks. They really do help.
My moods are very impacted by my kids as well. I’m in a different stage so my mood is more so a reaction to frustrating behavior/non-compliance with the simplest asks. Mornings are ROUGH in our house. I felt like they were getting better but they’ve gotten worse again. I have my first work trip next week and I will not be sad to miss out on 2 mornings of frustrating behavior… it really derails my mood!
Paul and I have been slowly watching the Taylor Swift concert on Disney+. We watched the other Eras concert that was on Disney+ before but now are watching her Vancouver show. We are both big fans so it’s fun to snuggle up and watch 15-20 minutes of her concert. Since you’ve seen the concert in person, it might not be as enjoyable, but I bet it would still be pretty fun! I am also enjoying her documentary series but Paul lost interest and prefers to watch the concert.
I was in such a funk yesterday I didn’t even have the energy to comment on your post. In other words: I feel this to my core! I’ve turned on the propane fire, fixed myself a snack, and poured a glass of sparkling water because I need COZY (it doesn’t help it is a dismal, slushy, January day outside)!
Life just feels… really heavy right now. I know that hormonal fluctuations can make that burden feel 10x. I was decompressing a bit with a friend and she talked about how there is this unwritten social contract of what we expect from other humans. And when people don’t abide by that, it’s deeply unsettling. Every single time I read the news this week it just feels like the whole world is in tatters and that social contract after social contract is basically being ripped apart. And yet, I still have to live my life doing mundane things while realizing these activities beyond my control have very real ramifications. I think that’s a heavy burden that we’re collectively bearing right now.
Then we all have personal things we’re dealing with. For those with kids or aging parents or in relationships there is the added weight (ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN) of trying to help others regulate their emotions, care for them, and help our loved ones navigate their own challenges. It’s a lot. Even if we have many layers of privilege. IT’S A LOT!
Almost everyone I talk too seems to be feeling similarly burdened.
It really helps me to remember that I have had funks before and I will have them again and I mostly just need to ride the wave. I try to do the important things, show myself extra kindness and gentleness, and let the rest slide. Tonight I have decided we will have toast and fruit for supper. My husband is overseas AND I had a horrid night sleep last night (consumed caffeine too late, totally my fault), so I am prioritizing BED not cooking. My goal is to be asleep by 9:30.
Oh, and I was dreading a particular phone call, but I made it and it went well and it took about 10 minutes and the stewing for days over it was such a waste of time. I knew this, but I refuse to castigate myself and am instead awarding myself a gold star for just making the dang phone call.
I love Mel Robbins! Letting other people be themselves, have their own feelings, success, etc has been really freeing for me.
HRT- I was determined after baby 6 to not take any hormones and just let my body be “natural”, ha! That did not work, and the physical symptoms of perimenopause were inhibiting my ability to live a normal life. So thankful for an OBGYN who encouraged me, and we experimented a little to find the right thing. No rush, but in my experience, almost all of my fellow 45 year olds are on some form of HRT.
Girl, you know I feel you. You know! I do think you’re in a prime position to notice patterns with all the planning you do and all the data you already track. I think you’ll know what steps to take with possible HRT when you’re ready to take them. I have to admit that I was not expecting to take them but my endocrinologist convinced me to and I’m glad I did (I’m also post menopausal so it’s a little different). I will say I’m glad I started taking them. So far they have been a positive in my life.
And whoa boy do I feel you on the kids stuff. This is absolutely my favorite era of parenting so far and also, they still affect my mood so much! I think parenting is always going to be a lot, no matter what age they are. And if you have a kid with big feelings or big needs, it will affect your moods in bigger ways!
Sending hugs! I’m about to turn 50 and am having the worst random joint pen (tennis elbow in both elbows at once and I’m not even playing tennis right now?!?). With that and the mood issues I’m considering looking into HRT too, but as a two-time breast cancer survivor the data is super confusing (and seems to keep changing!) about whether it’s a big risk or not. AND I have major kid issues going on to so I totally get it. This time of life is HARD.