I am reading On Purpose by Tanya Dalton right now.
It is making me more motivated to think about what aspects of my life I am actively choosing and what is just . . . happening.
I spent an hour reading old posts from residency last night — yes, diving into my own archives, circa 2007-2010! I noted several things:
1- I was tired a lot
2- Running was a huge coping mechanism for me (more than exercise is now)
3- I was fairly happy despite working 9 jillion hours (and often odd ones, at that)
I also cringed at my lowercase letters + “healthy living blog” touches, but . . . it was a long time ago. Check out this vintage pic:
It does appear that during what was a challenging time — residency is inherently hard, Josh was working obscene hours so I was often alone, and at that point I was already dealing with fertility issues — I generally chose to shape my days in the ways that I could.
There was no social media to escape into or wallow in, which probably helped, though my 2010 equivalent was reading a lot of blogs.
I don’t even know where I am going with this except to say I do like the idea of having more active choice in the way I go throughout my days. I don’t think it’s always possible to choose happiness — when one is truly depressed (or depressed-adjacent?), it doesn’t feel like an option. But it often is. Also, things like blogs / social media almost never bring joy for me. They just kind of numb unpleasant feelings.
About to ponder this on a run that would make 2010 me roll my eyes (thankfully, 2021 me doesn’t give a (#*&$). It’s 73F, which is somewhat joyful in an of itself.