Kae was sending me some ideas she had for moving around various parts of her week yesterday (using Ideal Week-style mapping to play her own game of time tetris) and I have been thinking about my own situation, particularly the issues I have had recently with evenings.
Truthfully, things have been better. It is probably fairly obvious that my overall outlook has improved over the past few weeks as I have settled into New Normal, and really Monday’s appointment (was that really just 2 days ago?!) did bring such a sense of closure/peace. I feel like I am ready to officially move on to Phase 3 of post-incident life (Phase 1 = hospitalization/recovery and basically shock; Phase 2 = some lows, processing, grieving, etc).
Anyway, my evenings are definitely not as bad as they were. But they are still not . . . great. They feel like the nadir of every day, generally. It is true that there is not always an abundance of time in the evenings; sometimes multiple kids need driving, and other times there is some kind of event (yesterday: A’s end-of-year gymnastics banquet).
However, there are some nights when everyone is either home or being driven by someone else (ie soccer carpool) by 6 pm and there is definitely some open time in there even after dinner/cleanup (which is minimal, because a lot of the weekday cooking is prepped in advance by our nanny — she usually does as much as possible batch-style on Mondays). AND, this summer there will be fewer late night activities overall — soccer will be over, and gymnastics ends at the civilized hour of 7:30!! I can’t imagine G will go to bed earlier than 8 pm once school is out, and I don’t always need to be 100% hands on with the kids in that time frame.
They can read, watch a show, practice piano, etc without my . . . handholding.
This is not to say I don’t want to hang out with them after dinner or that I wouldn’t want to do some things together (go out for ice cream, take a walk, hang out and read together, watch a show together, play a game). But they don’t always need me involved.
So, I guess I want to see if I can continue to make “better” use of that time. Not “better” as in more productive but “better” as in more enjoyable. I already brainstormed a list; I just printed it and put it up above my desk as a reminder.
In addition to the above, there are certain things I usually do in the morning that would make just as much sense in the evening, such as:
- writing a blog post
- Headspace (harder to fit in the AM when I want to do a longer yoga session, for example)
- fill in my 5 year journal (usually do this in AM, but absolutely doesn’t have to be!)
- finish out my daily planner page + set up the next day; clear my desk (I hate going to bed with a messy desk . . but sometimes I still do it!)
Anyway! I guess I’m excited to play with my time a little more this summer. Losing the structure of a long morning run slot definitely does open up possibilities. I’m doing a lot of travel over the summer so in truth things may not end up as ‘routine’ as I’m making it sound, but still will be plenty of days at home and I want to make the most of them (and the day leading up to Q3, too!).
I’m ready for “evening routine” to be discussed as commonly as “morning routine” since I have zero trouble with the early stuff! If you have an evening routine that is even somewhat functional/restorative I would love to hear about it! Would be fun inspo to read through even if I know I’m not naturally inclined to do very much once the sun is going down.
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I have no evening routine! With me, it’s usually focusing on dishes and laundry, and then getting in bed as early as possible to read. I definitely am not in the mood to do anything super productive (like organizing a drawer!) so if you do that, I’ll be impressed.
Summer will definitely have a more laid-back vibe. ESPECIALLY since you are not running! Let’s be honest- running in the Florida summer isn’t really fun. You won’t have to worry about that “I have to get up super early or I’ll die in the heat/oh great now I hear thunder” thing all summer long. I’ll be interested to hear how you end up spending your evenings (and you’re right- there will probably be a lot of variation so a regular “routine” may not happen). But, the possibilities are endless!
yes the “oh god not thunder again and is that a flash of light” was like . . . kind of my least favorite thing ever and I will not miss it at ALL!!!!
I am not a morning person so my evening routine is very specific and helps me get started in the AM much easier. Includes a lot of the things you mentioned: clean up dinner, prep tomorrow’s lunch, shower etc, journal, set up tomorrow’s daily, pack work bag, read.
I also find it helps me to have one “hobby” I’m working on so there’s no decision fatigue if I have extra time. Right now I’m playing a game on my switch, when I’m done maybe I’ll start a puzzle or a craft. But if I have 3-4 to choose from I personally end up doing none.
I texted you some of this but will put here too: Part of my issue is that there a LOT of different personal things I want to do in a week, but they do not all logistically fit in every single day. For me, this list includes: reading blogs, writing a blog post, reading, exercise, stretching/yoga, playing the piano, organizing photos, travel planning, maybe an errand, etc.
I got thinking about dividing up my available “chunks” of time on paper when I realistically can do SOMETHING. For me, these blocks include: 1) early morning (may be split into multiple small chunks) 2) lunch 3) midday short 15 min break 4) evening block (I’m figuring no more than 1 hour max- this would be time to do “something” not counting all the regular evening “have to do” stuff like dinner, driving, chores, etc.)
I feel like if I sit down and plug these various activities into available time slots, I can do a bunch of things in a week… even though I can’t do them all DAILY. So maybe one morning I read, one morning I write a blog post, one morning I do yoga. One lunch is gym, one lunch is an errand, one lunch is working on travel itinerary. Etc. I want to try and plan it out each week! Every week doesn’t have to look the same. But I like the idea of sketching this out in advance, versus waiting until the time arrives and just seeing what I “feel” like doing, or trying to squeeze too many things into every day.
Laura would applaud this 🙂 I like it!! Excited to hear how it works!!
Yes! Think 168 hours not 24. A lot fits in a week even if it doesn’t fit in a day.
Are your fun nightly activities still fun if they make it to a to-do list? Just curious.
ha – I think yes? Or more fun than moping around scrolling. I guess for me being on a list does not take away from fun, but does make sense that this might not be true for everyone!
We are such routine people so our evenings are pretty formulaic. We get home around 5:15, the kids/adults eat (often different things), and then we fill the time between when dinner is over and 6:30 with showers/baths or an outdoor walk/playing in the yard/playing in the basement. At 6:30, they alternate watching 30 min of Bluey (Will’s preference) or Wheel of Fortune (Paul’s preference). Then the boys have a snack, and Will’s bedtime starts after snack. Ideally he’s tucked in around 7:30ish. Paul hangs out with Phil for a bit and then I read to him around 7:45ish and then he goes to bed around 8:15. Then Phil and I watch a show (usually only 30 min) and I go up to bed to read for 30-60 min and Phil watches shows that are not of interest to me (our tastes in tv are VERY different). The boys still require active management from 5:15-8:15 so that eats up most of our evening. Paul needs less active management but still needs to be ushered through brushing teeth/pjs/going up to bed.
I’m starting to think about our fall schedule as Paul will start piano lessons which I am sure will be on a week night. So we’ll have to balance that with the different sports he does which seems to occur on different days of the week depending on the sport, so there is zero predictability!
I’ve recently switched my five year journal to the evening and love it. I enjoy reflecting on the day and identifying what I want to remember or bright spots of the day before bed.
My evening routine requires me to check how much of those daily routines that I need to do unconditionally every day – Hint: Time-tracking is one of them – is not done by the evening – whatever time we refer to as the beginning of the evening – and get them done. Once they are done, I’ll spend some time working on some of my long-term goals. That can happen before and/or after dinner. I think that finishing out your daily planner page must also be one of your daily routines, Dr. Sarah Hart-Unger. But the time right after dinner will be the time that I’ll need to exercise for a few minutes.
I set an alarm for going to bed, but whether or not I always follow this alarm requires separate discussions. I will sometimes designate some time right before I go to bed as just time to rest. I sometimes spend TOAD – Time Outside After Dinner, but not always.
I know that you’d get up at 4 am on most days before March, 2025. If you now get up at a different time, I think you’ll also go to bed at a different time. I also agree that the usual evening routines may not apply if you are – or if I am – travelling.
Um, I think I’ll make a correction that you’d get up at 4:30 am on most days before March 2025.
Evening routines! I’m an early riser – 4:30- but work late and am in finance. A few years ago I did two things – one, I assigned an evening chore slot for most night. (I know I need to wash/fold clothes on Wed and towels on Mondays and Thursdays, etc.). Nothing taxing! Just enough- and I plan out meals (sometimes a month in advance) in OneNote. Doing a week of meal plans now takes five minutes because I have a huge rotation of things we like. Even a snack or leftover night is planned ahead. I try to set two goals for myself every night. Small things!
We walk or treadmill after dinner (which is usually late), and to get out of the heat.
I layout my clothes and gym stuff in advance and put oatmeal in the rice cooker on a timer. 5 min.
I have a going to bed alarm – time for skincare, etc. and I keep my expectations low on Thursdays- I’m at my most tired.
I also have a bedtime soundtrack I play on Alexa. It plays at 9:30 and it’s something I look forward to!
Ooh this mealtime plan is great. I got one of those DIY cookbooks and I want to fill it out with all our favourite recipes to make meal planning easier. I plan on Saturday and then grocery shop.
Thursday is always the worst. My 7 year old is really even keeled but if there is likely to be tears or grumpiness, it’s always on a Thursday.
Both of us are typically home at night which makes a big difference. but our evening routine is pretty unambitious – I am useless at work after about 6pm, and really only want to read or chat at bedtime. We are lucky that we both WFH quite a bit (can do laundry during the day, etc), no long commute, and homework is weekly rather than nightly but the evenings feel pretty packed with early bedtimes. Monday is activity night – but my son has aftercare so my husband meets him there with a packed dinner, they go to Scouts, I walk over and pick him up, and husband goes to tennis from there.
If it’s a WFH day, one person will go and fetch our son at be home by 5:30, the other will start dinner. After dinner, if we have time, we play a quick round of something (Uno, Sushi Go). Upstairs by 7:00 for kid shower, PJs.
Somehow bedtime has become a palaver in which my presence is required (which I don’t moan about too much b/c it gets me out of cleaning the kitchen). We read a chapter of our read-aloud, my son listens to an audiobook in our bed while I hop in the shower, and then we both snuggle up with our books and read til he gets tired. We were having a hard time with T getting settled at night once it started staying so light, but we darken our room, and I think that physical contact really helps. By the time he’s ready for bed (around 8:15), my husband is done tidying up and heads upstairs. Hang out, read, chat and asleep by 10.
When I’m away/back late, I assume their routine is vaguely similar, with perhaps a cheeky dinner while watching a show.
Next year, we’re hoping to drop a bit of aftercare – T is pretty independent and the days where one of us goes and gets him at 3:15 rather than 5 are so much nicer.We have a bit more time to play after dinner, etc. He’s not quite ready to walk home from school by himself but my plan is to work from the library from 3, and then he can read, do one of the clubs there, or go to the park with a pal. But waiting to hear about my teaching schedule – I’ve got a 3 hour commute so if I’m teaching over multiple days, it’s not workable.
I am also not very well organized in the evenings as it depends on what time I get home and my energy level by then. The lack of transition makes me irritable most of the nights. I’ve joined Nicole’s on 100 days projects which is stretching. I’ve been doing it in the evening which also helps to wind down and creates space to switch from work mode to family mode.
Given the low energy level past 7pm for morning people, I find it not realistic to plan too many things even if they are fun.
Hi Sarah! I’m a longtime listener but dipping my toes in the blog world for the first time. I love your musing about an evening routine being equal to a morning routine–they definitely don’t seem to get email weight! I’m team 5-year journal in the AM too, but I HATE setting up my planner page in the morning! For some reason, I feel like I’m spinning my wheels if I don’t do it the night before, even if I do it right away with my coffee! That’s probably the anchor of my evening routine, but I’d love to stop the meaningless scroll that ends up taking up a good portion of the evening. I like your idea of a list! Mine might include reading or working on a puzzle (I’m team Laura on this one), but trip planning is also an intriguing possibility!
Lauren