Goals life Parenting Work

Follow up on the Controversial Link Post

March 12, 2020

No, not the one about travel. We have decided not to go. And we are preparing for more social distancing. I am at peace with this although expect some future strategizing/coping posts, because I need to write them.

The other one, ~10 days ago (original Physician on Fire post here, my response here, and Dr Lacey’s wife’s response published 2 days ago here!).

I mentioned earnings in the title just b/c PoF is a financially-focused site

And, as headlined above, here’s my official response. It feels a little bit superfluous now, but I still wanted to share.

Welcome to any readers of PoF venturing over here — glad to have you!


  • Reply Nadine March 12, 2020 at 7:22 am

    It’s only controversial because everyone has a work vs stay at home opinion just like they do about breast vs bottle and everything else. Your response is thoughtful and in the end everyone gets to decide what’s right for their own family… and ought to be able to do so without judgement!

  • Reply Laura March 12, 2020 at 8:39 am

    Congrats! Great piece (and I appreciate the BOBW shout outs!!)

  • Reply Erica Sparky March 12, 2020 at 9:57 am

    It’s a great response and follow-up, very thoughtful and gracious!

    I’ll miss seeing you for spring break, and I’m sorry that you have to miss seeing your sister and her family! But considering the patient populations that you and J are exposed to, it was the responsible choice to make. This way, you won’t get stuck somewhere or be forced to self quarantine after your trip.

  • Reply Lisa March 12, 2020 at 10:53 am

    This was a well written, thoughtful, and respectful way to engage in dialogue around an issue that is so personal and often sparks controversy. Thank you for speaking up kindly for the important point that children are not inherently “less off” with dual career parents. I hate when people assume I don’t love or care for my child as much as others because I happen to have a career (one I am grateful is both meaningful to the world & me personally). I believe that we all love our children and are doing our best in the difficult role that is parenting young children.

    • Reply Sarah Hart-Unger March 12, 2020 at 11:02 am

      thank you so much Lisa!

  • Reply Ida March 12, 2020 at 11:21 am

    Interesting conversation! In my opinion one of the biggest factors for staying in the workforce even when we could be a single income family is the safety net that a 2nd income provides. What if the income earner becomes sick and can no longer work? It’s a huge risk! I used to work in Family law, so I may be a bit jaded, but marriages don’t always last. As a woman I always want to be able to take care of myself and my child. Leaving the workforce for an extended period of time would put me at a huge disadvantage if I ever wanted to re-enter. I also worked dang hard to get where I am now, and I would hate to give that all up!

    • Reply Justine March 12, 2020 at 12:54 pm

      Well, the husband actually addressed divorce in his post- he said that he and his wife agreed that no matter what happened they would never divorce once they got married. Which seems…hot for abuse potential? What if one of them develops an addiction or becomes violent or or or it goes on… It’s either incredibly naive, stupid, or manipulative to say that your partner will never do anything that would make you divorce them.

      • Reply Sophia March 12, 2020 at 2:57 pm

        Yes. Virtually all people who marry agree not to divorce and yet…

      • Reply Brent Lacey March 14, 2020 at 12:17 pm

        My comment on our plan to never divorce was meant to highlight the commitment we both have to our marriage. Perhaps it’s naive, but we’ve been married 13 years and are still as committed as we ever were. My wife is amazing, and I could never imagine living without her.

  • Reply Beth @ Parent Lightly March 12, 2020 at 12:57 pm

    I applaud your response! I struggle with this debate because I truly believe that both partners should stay engaged in a career in some way. I wanted to go back to grad school, we lived on husband’s income. Husband’s company closed, we had my income. Husband wanted to start a business, we had my income + benefits. What if one partner has a long term illness, dies or you get divorced? I am grateful every day that I can support my kids if something happens to my marriage. And I think it actually makes our partnership better too. At the same time, my mom stayed home with us and I appreciate that choice because I had a wonderful childhood. It’s a tough discussion and I think you handled it very well (with some good facts)!

  • Reply A. March 12, 2020 at 1:53 pm

    Not on the subject, but this will interest you I think: https://medium.com/@tomaspueyo/coronavirus-act-today-or-people-will-die-f4d3d9cd99ca

    • Reply Sarah Hart-Unger March 12, 2020 at 2:17 pm

      I read it. I know.

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